Saturday, December 31, 2005

The Last day of the year

I am SOOOO proud of myself. After like many hours, I have completed my new blogskin... How is it? What do you think!?!?It was a test of my non existent Photoshop and HTML skills.. But if you can read this, it can't be too bad right? :)Yes, quite happy with it. haha.

So, the last day of 2005. Has it been one year? It feels so fast and yet so painfully slow. Where there are some days when time just stood still... yet if you look at it on a whole, everything has happened so quickly. Haha, this is what adults always say.. time flies. haha. Help. I used to be able to remember exactly when something happened. But since I turned some age.. everything has been a whirlwind of activities.. whether we like to do it or not, it still happens and we still have to undergo it.. Hmmm. Interesting, concept of time. Haha. gibberish.

So. What will I look back and say this year was about? I think the word has to be change..Change from student to adult. change in mindsets. Change in importance of values. Change from being dependent to somewhat more independent(Wad I am trying to say is independent of family, Not too much, just a little)...

Hmm. is this change good? Will find out in the future. But undergoing the change kinda sux. haha. well. no. it is bittersweet. Bitter because I have to get out of my comfort zone. Sweet because I know that the change has to be for the good... Hmmm. (though inside me sometimes I wonder if I can always be a little girl, yeah, I know.,. tough)

Okie. enough talk else i break down and start this second guessing crap. So what will I want to do.
Simple- 1)Know that unless God builds the house,we labour in vain. So I dun want to labour in vain. Want to do that which He will be pleased with.
2) Want to always have the peace in my heart. Yes, wanna still live vicariously,.. But not foolish. No one moment's folly and a lifetime of regret. Well. Only God can help me with that..
3) Love God with all there is in me. Sigh. Much easier said than done.. When God calls you to do crap. then How? Still have to Surrender.. Oh well..
4) All this cannot be accomplished lest I continue being close to God. Pray that I will nevr be seduced by this world. There is a lot alot of glitz and glamour out there that never ceases to tempt me...

:) Enough of new year's eve.. Had a fabulous week of decadence. Haha. A good bumming week. Slept quite a bit. Spent time with good old friends. Ate a lot. Went to Malacca. Met up with University friends. What else can I say? I wish all weeks will be like that! :)

Okie, going out for watch night service. More decisions to make. Gah.. Little by little one step at a time. Must choose to obey and not the easy road.
Have a great New Year!!

Friday, December 23, 2005

the girl who has it all...

Okie. I think that the older I grow, the more frivolous I get. more starry eyed, more enticed by what's around me. gah. I am regressing. How should i balance this with sensibility, maturity and all things sane.

Watched King Kong. I must say that it is a good show. I mean if you watch it just for the action- good for you. But I can't help but feel like there is a lot of richness in the show. The mercenary director-, whom in my opinion, represents humanity gone wrong, who just wants to make money, live his dreams- but he gets completely off tangent, missing the point completely. Important to love/appreciate things for the way they are, and not to bring them out of context. hmm. like the quote on how the director has a way of destroying what he loves. How true of human nature. King Kong- I lurrrvvveee the character. Haha. well, you must understand. Ann keeps getting him into troubles but he is always there to help her. How sweet? and he doesnt want anything from her except for her affections. Wahh. so sweet.Have I just let go of the person who is so long suffering and just want my feelings? hmmm.

So my boss was like you need to watch king kong to know about live. haha so wad did i learn from king kong. I learn that 1) i cannot spoil what i love. 2) I learn that I need to show people that I love them. Another day might not come. 3) I learn that love is beautiful.- haha, can't think of any right now.

It's christmas eve. Need to shop for presents. for peeps. Thinking about town, having to brave the hordes of people. gai. God save me. haha. shopping is supposed to be fun, hmmm. lots to write first. so let me go on.

I watched pride and prejudice during the course of the week too. Hee, so sweet. Need to finish the book, oh, and I borrowed sense and sensibility. hmmm. what is love between 2 people about? the age old qn that plagues me.

Work is fine. I think I am doing good. well, apologies to those around me when I work though, having to listen to my whines, my angst and all that crap, but these folks encourage me all the way- gee I am blessed. Thank God. Family is good too i guess, dad just pointed at our pseudo christmas tree and asked where are my presents. I said nobody loves me. I don't get presents and cards. haha. and he went, you have a dad who loves you u know! hee. awww, what more can I ask for.---- a present! to prove his love---- hee.

So now, what plagues this girl who is obviously blessed by the Lord in heaven? I desire that peace in my heart- to know that this is it. I learn that unless the lord builts the house, we labour in vain. so the qn now is how do I know that it is the lord that builds the house? - i gather it is from the peace in my heart... So, I have decided that I will not act till I have that peace. Foolish that might seem to some. I feel that way too. Peirong. What have you done?!?! are u sure that this is the real reason, or are u in a pursuit of one of your lame ideals? that somebody will sweep you off your feet? like a mr darcy? have i found mine? I think that I am too young/inmatured to figure that out. Have tried in the last forever but I don't want to do that to my innocent knight again. Am frightened that I will cause him pain again. Dear Lord, will you grant this confused girl clarity? so that she will do things with ALL her heart and not be a double minded fool, unstable in all she does?

Yeah. Christmas is tomorrow. was thinking wad is my favourite christmas presents through the years. hmmm. I have too many great ones. just received one last week. made me cry buckets! But I like my forever friends bear a lot. haha. Went to HK with family one chirstmas many years ago. Fell completely ill and was forced to lie on bed the whole day. And it had to be christmas. At that point, the cutest thing around was a forever friends bear. wanted one as we walked the streets in HK before but shy peirong, never really make her intentions known openly. anyhow, I got the bear on christmas after being bed ridden the whole day! ahhaha. I think that instantly cured me and the next day, I was ready to move about and be playing again. :)

going to go shop in a while. Need to tell people that they are loved...

Thank you Lord for Christmas and all that it means. I pray that you will continue to teach me what it means to walk in your light in all that I do. May my heart never be captivated by what is not of you, and may my soul never be sold to the things of this world. Pray you'll reveal your beauty more and more, and may I be more like you each day!.

Saturday, December 17, 2005

Melancholy

Feeling blue. No particular reason. It was a good day my saturday. All I did was be a starfish on my bed. and watch recuers on disney channel. Gotta leave now for my art class. Should be excited. It was meant to make me happy. but.. cant shake this feeling. haha. listening to miles may not be the best thing to do.as it perpetuates how i feel. but... tough. :)

Had a great week at work. Very intense but good too. Was very tired though so i almost lost it on 2 separate occasions... yes.. Peirong does have a temper though she may be considered mild at many occasions....

What have I let myself to believe> sometimes i wonder. I wanna run, hide, escape into my world of illusions. of fantasies and dreams. hm. blue.

Okie then. Off to go learn more about oil painting. need to believe that all is good. Well i know it will be. but don't like the loss i feel now. gah. welcome to life. It is the most colourful picture a person can paint. and i canot only allow the warm or the cool colors on this piece... they complement each other. haha. wad is this woman going on about? beats me too. have a great weekend. muacks.

Friday, December 09, 2005

Family....

Family.. I love them to bits and yet I want to scream at them! Grrrr. What can I say?

Parents: Grr. They are at the run away age. Hmm. I understand. too much pressures. But still. Please consider your children. They are never really grown-up.. they are your children. When you say a promise. You must keep it. gah. I feel spoilt to go on about it. But yes.. we must not expect/demand perfection. No such thing.

Sister: She is a 17 year old fine young woman. Well. in the process of being one.. but. sometimes she makes me wonder if we have really failed. 345 flight tom morning, she was waiting for someone to help her with packing of her bag. As in... really to look into the details about it and decide for her what to bring etc... last straw.. girl comes up to a sleepy old woman watching disney channel holding 4 little bottles in her hand "which shampoo and conditioner should i bring".. Not the kiddding melodramatic way of asking.. She truly wanted counsel...

!!!! So upsetting sometimes. How impt should the family be. How and what should be the priority in the way we express our love for one another? Big boss in office always says that we need to concentrate on what's impt in life.. go home on time... fren says that his mom is very happy when everybody is round the dinner table... My family gathers round the dinner table once a month if we are good. Often enough, people arent the most keen to do that! Gai. Patience, Lord I pray you'll teach me.

Wanted to work tonight. Brought home work to do.. But instead I got glued on Disney Channel.. Hmm. not a good sign! I wanna go somewhere and live by myself again... Suddenly missing my little apartment again. hmmm. nites world. I am gibberish again.

Friday, December 02, 2005

My blog doesnt work

posts doesnt get publish... why why why?
bummer!

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

God is so good

Yup, God is good. All the time.

I am reminded that I told God that I wanted to travel in my job - M in bangkok now.

I am reminded that I told God that I wanted to be able to glorify him in my job overtly, work for a cause. - M in World Vision now.

I am reminded that I told God that I didnt want to worry about money - well, truthfully, I am not being paid crap.

I am reminded that I told God that I want good working relations- had dinner with boss and 2 other colleagues yesterday. :) It felt really nice. :)Camaraderie of 4 women who are all at different stages in life.. I laughed so much. hee.

I am reminded that I am but a child of God, not in anyway higher than him or above another - all my failings always put me in perspective.


Yups. Good to remember blessings. Feel like an ingrate ever so often. I need to remember the good things of people, of moments, of things that matter. But yet they are so often in conflict with my failed human nature. Can one truly be happy on the face of this earth? Or is it an illusion that we are chasing? One that makes us do things that we would otherwise not imagine. My friend commented that I will one day elope.. enough of social conventions,norms, restrictions.. Hee. will that happen? Hmm. he is convinced that we can be glad and do what we need to do without feeling like life is a trade off. Hmm. "All to Jesus I surrender?"... Yup yup.

Haha. I am needing to communicate in English now. haha. miss having people who know me for me... rather than this singapore girl that is tall, who comes once in a while...
I can see how sometimes it is so frustrating when one needs to always be culturally sensitive. I can see why people can be ethnocentric (if they come from the west). It is so much easier to deal with the world thinking that where I come from is superior and treating others in a condescending manner. Hmmm. But.. I still like meeting people of all sorts.. Humbling. Everybody is good in one way or another..

Dinner with my bosses and another recruiter. It was really nice.. We are all very diverse people i must say... these 3 ladies were all married.. so ever so often.. they would get into a conversation that made me blush completely.. gah. people who know me know that when I blush.. it is SOOOOO obvious.. sighs. haha.. but it was nice.. talking about life, what is impt to them, what they wanted to do when they were in college etc etc. Hmm. It is amazing how diverse people's paths can be.. again i understand why people sometimes rather do the safe thing. the right correct singaporean thing..., hmmm.. But its so fun. When life is presented to God.. he will use it as he deems fit. An empty canvas ready for your use dear Lord! :)

Do not settle. When is settling settling and when is it being content with what you have? hmm. any wise opinions? I can do with some... making a decision now.. it is a quite a dumb one.. but i just feel like its repurcussions are plenty. quite dumb. but.. hmm. this is peirong. what do you expect?

hee. have a good day- lots of love from the land of smiles (other wise known as Bangkok)

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Thoughts from an over active mind

Do not look at the past and ponder what might have been
Nor look ahead and wonder what is to come
But live each day to the fullest
And make it beautiful
So that it will be worth remembering.

Something of a church's programme sheet. haha. think that was God's reminder just for me. Being a inward looking person, I tend to reflect on what's gone by and wonder what the future holds.. these somehow being most of my present's thoughts. Went to another church today, pastor was preaching about Elijah. 1 Kings chapter 19.

Some thoughts on it, 1) as much as we are afraid on the external circumstances and run away, we are still not out of God's plan. He is bigger than my fears. 2) When we don't seem to noe what to do, an angel will come and guide your ways. Feed you for that long journey ahead.. the pastor preaching was talking about some of the symbols in this verse. the wilderness, the broom tree and the cave. Won't go further with it, but it is good stuff.

I love it when God's presence is felt so strongly. But I need to love God more than the outward expression of his presence.

Dunno the point of this post. Many thoughts. many emotions. no idea how to express it. what to do with it. hmmm.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

The subtleness of sin...

I think that the devil/lucifer/ satan..Whatever you want to call him is really a smooth smooth talker.

Thinking about his recent ploy to make me fall. I think that he almost suceeded. Important to cling close to the old rugged cross. To read the good old book. Anyway, just a little brief summary on what I am going on about.

You would have known about my restlessness, the unsettled feeling deep in my belly. haha. typical of me to think.. OH oh. How? What should I do with my school loan? Working here.. hmm. no $$.. What should I do? I want to study again! How do I rise above the circumstances..? Recently had an assignment offer to be a pretty face at a trade show.. Go answer some questions and they will pay you good money.. The down side is that. I will have to take leave of my work.. Till now, I can't decide if that is a bad thing to do. Even after a pain staking argument about it.. Hmm. Oh well, undecided is the word.

So you are reading this and going huh? What is she on about man! haha. Patience.. Getting there.... Anyway, yesterday was reading 1 Timothy 6: 6. I have highlighted this in my bible. But then again, I highlight loads of stuff. So I might miss it.. haha. anyway, here goes:
But Godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap into many foolish and harmfil desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for moeny, have wandered from the faith and peirced themselves with many griefs


Yup, so how does this all go.. No, I have gone money faced. haaha. not swimming in a pool of money yet. But I think that through the days/weeks (yes it is so easy to be swayed), I have allowed discontent to slip in, telling me that I can do better than this, have a better life somewhere... and that I need to strive.. yes, I wanna be idealistic work in God's office etc.. But I don't want the cost of that. I want to be comfortable. But yet I am reminded. Reminded that Gain comes in when I am Godly and content. Both! And I should be content as I have food and clothing. Yup..

Another thing that this verse kind of wake me up to is about how people are peirved into griefs because of their eagerness for money.. Gee, I understand that. Not that I have become that. But I understand that it is something that can happen ever so quietly, it does not necessarily need to come with a bang and people go... Yeah! I want money..

Hopefully, I am not losing you. I have allowed myself to be led astray. Pray I can come back... to truly trust in the unfailing and not hope/ want/ manipulate/ figure how to do things MY way...

Such is the way of the cross.

Monday, November 14, 2005

Such a sweet song..

Learning to online christian radio. Whenever they play this song.. Always makes me go ... awww so sweet. I wanna play it on my wedding! (That is if i Ever get married).....
Oh well. This is it. (though it looks incredibly mushy when you see only the lyrics. It is really quite sweet)

When God Made You

Guy
Its always been a mystery to me,
How two hearts can come together,
And love can last forever.
But now that I have found you I believe,
That a miracle has come when God sends the perfect one.
So gone are all my questions about why,
And i've never been so sure of anything in my life

~chorus~

Oh I wonder what God was thinking,when he created you.
I wonder if He knew everything I would need,
Because he made all my dreams come true.
When God made you, He must have been thinking about me.


Girl
Ooo ooo,I promise that wherever you may go, wherever life may lead you,
With all my heart I'll be there too.
And from this moment on I want you to know,
I'll let nothing come between us, and I will love the ones you love.
(guy):So gone are all my questions about why (girl echoes):about why


Duet:Oh I wonder what God was thinking when he created you,
I wonder if He knew everythin I would need,
Because He made all my dreams come true.
When God made you He must've been thinking about me.

Bridge

He made the sun He made the moon,
To harmonize a perfect tune,
One can't do without the other they just have to be together.
And that is how I know its true,
Your for me and i'm for you and my world
Just cant be right without you in my life

Chorus

(guy) He must have heard every prayer I've been praying (girl echo)
I've been praying (both)He must've knew everything I would need

When God made you, He must've been thinking about me.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

do you remember your dreams?

I remember some of my dreams but most of the time.. I forget it immediately once I wake up.. waking up is such a funny thing.. From one world to another.. Always somewhat hazy, surreal and forgetable.. Remember mornings where waking up is the last thing I wanna do. Others when waking up is with a promise, a smile on my face...

Okie, enough attempts to sound poetic.. haha. just wanted to write down my dream. Not sure if it will be super accurate. But this is what I remember... somebody wanted me to draw/come up with something that depicts my view of life.. something that means something to me.. What would your point of view be??

Anyway, this is what I dreamt I came up with.. the picture of a flower.. you know the ones that you draw as a child. one circle in the middle and many circles around.. yup.. reason.. I want to bloom for Jesus.. be one of the many flowers in God's meadow. Want to be used by him to beautify his existing kingdom...to bloom for him yet be one of the many that is in the meadow.. to be part of the whole picture... :) A flower girl even when asleep...

Yup, remember the waking up smiling.. praying sincerely "Lord, please help me to continue to bloom for you today!"

Thursday, November 03, 2005

My place in this world

Don't like the tune.. but i can so relate with the words.
Dear Lord, I know your ways are higher.. please grant your daughter an extra portion of faith.. To know , trust, and be at peace with what is happening.. It be appreciated if you throw in some what amount of direction..

As I grow older.. I am exposed to more choices. I can choose what I want in life, who I want in my life, what is the most important thing in life.. Hmm, not I can choose.. it is more like I HAVE TO.. can't abdicate this responsibility to my parents, circumstances or any other frivolous reasons... Yup. Is this wad being an adult means? turning from a dependant to something more.. But yet it is important to not be independent of God etc. Gah.. so difficult..To choose wisely and know that God will direct your paths?.. Sigh. I hate to decide.. maybe that's why this is especially hard for me.

Oh well.. God will make a way (show the way). when there seems to be no way (or rather too many ways)

Song with Apt words...

My place in this world.

The wind is moving
But I am standing still
A life of pages
Waiting to be filled
A heart that's hopeful
A head that's full of dreams
But this becoming
Is harder than it seems
Feels like I'm
Chorus:
Looking for a reason
Roaming through the night to find
My place in this world
My place in this world
Not a lot to lean on
I need Your light to help me find
My place in this world
My place in this world

If there are millions
Down on their knees
Among the many
Can you still hear me
Hear me asking
Where do I belong
Is there a vision
That I can call my own
Show me I'm

Chorus

Friday, October 28, 2005

the need to be understood....

Maslow Hierachy of needs.... basic needs, safety needs, esteem needs and finally self actualization needs. I wonder where the need to be understood lies in that. The knowledge that somebody out there gets the drift. Truly understand why I do what I do, why I think the way I do and after all that, say that its okie. I wil walk through it with you... But it is strange that in Corinthians.. God does not say that Love is Understanding. Hmm. maybe it is not.. God did say in Isaiah that His ways are higher than our ways.. n that without faith, it is impossible to please God.. so understanding.. hmmm. how does that fit in? Pray it will occur to me someday.

I like talking to old people.. I think that they have a wealth of knowledge wisdom that only comes with age.. and good stories to share too.. Thank God for few of them in the office. Okie, not too old. but old enough to be my dad. haha. well. most in the office are so.. hmm.. wad am i talking about. Yup.. on the subject of the office. I hear people teasing my married colleague because we are always seen together... hmm. cant decide how i feel about that... hmm. amused.. aiyah.. why you all so gossipy leh?... whats wrong with me?.... sigh.. whine. I don't like it that I am happier to talk to guys. I mean I love my girlie friends with all my heart. hahaha. they know who they are.. but for the strangest reason. I always feel the need to "protect" look out for them and all. Also that I tend to be the "taller" one makes me compelled to take the motherly role and take care of them... Yup. we shall blame it on height... Sigh.. whatever it is for some weird reason, I really honestly think that I tend to be more conversant where talking to guys... Hmm. is that bad? I bad.. how then? What to do? sigh.. I should learn to be quiet. hmm.

Recently, learnt about Robert Frost. American Poet. He wrote a Poem about God's garden.. printed it out and put it in my cubicle...hee.. Poems are so fun. They are sooooo many emotions packed in 1 sentence.. Hard to decipher.. but it is a gift.. Dear Lord, will you grant me more gifts? So that I can continue to be a blessing to those around me.. I think that I am drawn to colours and pictures than to the words itself...Hmm. I am goiing to be in the wilderness tomorow. Hopefully can spend lots of time with my Lord. just being still and appreciating all that He has made.
Going to sleep soon.Good night world... will you not rain tom and not be too harsh to me?... I am still learning only...

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

:( Quarter life crisis

okie i worked myself into a major frenzy. too many different emotions all welled up in me. In a flux. Argh. and i thought that I am done with this crap when I finished being a teenager. I tell myself that each struggle will be the last that I will live through it a more victorious, better person. Gosh I can't see that now. muddy waters.. what is clear? what makes sense? I cant be like that for too long. it is so not healthy. Debilitating effects on self esteem.. but I guess its good.. Cos God's strength is made perfect in my weakness. :(

Sacrifices of things i wanna do.. for wat is deemed the right thing.:( Well. I must be happy with the alternative. Must give it my best shot.

"Be still and know that I am God"

"Dude. you don't solve life.. you live it.. when the dreams wears off, you will have to live day to day.." -some person in Ed.

Confused? ya. me too. welcome to my life today. Hopefully sleep will be restful tonight.

"Please take from me my life, when I don't have the strength to give it away to you"

Monday, October 24, 2005

What is the one thing you dislike the most?

1) Anger 2)Pain 3)Dissapointment 4)Imperfection

These are top favourites. but i think that my number 1 of this will be goodbyes.

Goodbye to people who die.. In the office last week, was talking to my colleague and we incidentally talked about deaths.. well indirectly but still:) He was like I don't f***ing care if people die.. they do so all the time....
But i do. I do care for people who leave.. though i wished i didn't. Save me from a lot a lot of pain, but what can I do, God made me me.. So I don't like it when people die.. though I know I will see them again.

Goodbye to good friends leaving. Well.. I still think it nice to have the blessings of passing by friends.. people you know leave a little of themselves (in wisdom, silliness, idiocyncracies)... but when you do something,... you will rem that moment you shared.. though transient and fleeting. I remember going for a brownies camp when i was 12.. 12 (the age where you are suppose to just have fun and not care about other people's feelings)... When it was time to leave, I kind of cried the whole bus ride back.. i think that i must have looked mad.. I feel so too. but the thought of not seeing them again... that sux. hahaha:) yeap. I have always been sensitive.

Goodbye to the special one.. I tried.. for the longest time.. haha. in Peirong's terms at least (though honestly.. heh.. it is rather short).. but.. thumbs up for the girl who tried!:) Anyway.. was geared to thinking that somethings can't be salvaged... we should learn to let go when the time is appropriate and not force for the impossible.. Yup.. And that was painful.. I m crap at goodbyes.though i am happy to say that things are looking up.!! hee. I am actually not that hard to placate.. really. a hug does the trick.. okie. maybe not... but a hug, a look of love.. and a hot chocolate.. thats the lethal combination. hahahaha:) ya.. so we are on the road to recovery.. though it be windy and hard..

Back to goodbyes. I think that I have inadvertantly build a protective layer over myself as i don't want to be left sad after somebody leaves. Hmm. not the best way to live.. I know i know.. One needs to be vulnerable in order to love.. n love is not only the Lord's command to us, it is a many splendid thing.. yup. so I need to somehow shed that layer around me and love... though goodbyes are painful.

Hmm. so why are goodbyes painful besides the obvious that Peirong is sensitive and all? I think that it has something to do with the fact that God has set eternity in our hearts.. and when there is eternity, there is no more good byes.. 'it is eternity. however mind boggling....

hmmm. so i said goodbye to my friend that came to visit. It was fun!:) to say the least. fun to not have to be too intentional with being many things.. to have good quality time looking at porcupines, leopards and tigers..., to see you interact with different people and to have you visit a new church with me... May God bless you with your find for the pretty girl or the ability to see inner beauty and go for it though the absence of external beauty.. just kidding..

Goodbyes are sad. but hopefully not forever.. maybe we willl meet again, when our paths cross and God has more wise things to say to me through you again!

Thursday, October 20, 2005

My day...

Can't think of a better title.. so it will be what it is.. my day. Well.. nothing out of the ordinary.. I was feeling terribly ill yesterday. Almost puked and turned white on my way home from work.. Was going to meet Ben but decided that I needed to sleep. So i feel asleep at 9pm yesterday.

Anyway.. I couldnt wake up today.. but finally dragged self out of bed.. went to the hotel to pass stuff to people and then off to the office... Packed and packed and packed today.. I think that today was not a very productive day.. Spent too much of it packing. Oh.. i did some msning too.. ehehe

Somewhere between packing and joking with colleagues.. Suddenly felt this sense of loss again. :( I think that an idle mind is really the devil's workshop.. hmm. essentially when not focussed in what i need to do.. Drift and wonder about other stuff... Went home in tears. Will things change for the better? little girl just wants a prince.. knight in shining armour. :( wake up slap slap.

went to teach tuition to my little boy.. taught him how to spell one to ten.. Times like these i am amazed that i can construct sentences.. wow the amount of time and effort in education actually has a use.... hmm. anyhow. just a thought.

Highlight of my day.. Spent time with my beloved friend.. We had a good workout.. I went swimming and she running. haha.. then after that.. hot chocolate! :) oh.. and lots of talking. hee.... Love her man. At one stage of time.. she was my favourite friend. hahaaha.. when friends mean the world to oneself.. and through time.. people mellow.. other things become important... people change.. i think the way we relate to each other is interesting.. hmmm..yup. but I love her lots:) Thank you Lord for her.. Had good comforting girlie time with her!:)Watching chip chip chip and dale now.. i like it... :) it reminds me of yesterday.. when our troubles seem so far away.. hahaha.
yes yes it is time to sleep.

Okie. thank you Jesus for life. teach me to appreciate it!

Sunday, October 16, 2005

... i am slow with photos.

hahha. just thought it be nice to post some photos.. More recent ones are in my camera.. so thought I would post some Beijing ones.. In light of my colleague's visit there soon..:)

Somehow i like this photo.. Not sure why, it feels like the whole world in her hands. hahahaa.btw.. this is Hong Kong, not Beijing. Went there with Family first before a stopover to Beijing to visit my friend.. My forth time in HK.. though I think i will be heading there soon. Cause I wanna see disneyland!hee.

Random photo of a spoilt fire hydrant.. Thought it was quite funny.. this was in the middle of the busy shopping place at Tsim Sha Tsui.. people were just walking past.. and some others like me.. were like.. hey look.. snap snap!:)

Hmmm. why can't life be like that everyday? Picture of a man with his little vehicle (use to ferry people).. think he was fishing, looking at the world go by. I think that there is a certain romantic charm in the capital of China!

In the name of freedom...At what cost?

After walking for the longest time.. A seat in the way to go! Walked through tiannanmen square, entrance of the forbidden palace etc

.. A long long way up to the top! The majestic Great Wall.... We went there via the local train.. and experience in itself!

The chinese saying goes.. Not a good person till you climb the greatwall! The chinese words behind read: good person valley... So there you go! I am officially a good person!:P

OKie, I am in need of a new vacation.. New experiences, memories! :) till then.. pictures of Beijing!..

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Do you believe in fairies

I am captivated by novelty, innocence, freshness, newness..I am determined to be a child at heart... But as I work, interact with more adults (unlike children,youth, contempories).. this is getting much harder. Herein comes cynical adults whose favourite activities are to complicate simple matters, to over sophisticate what is a simple thing... Yup. so what I am trying to say is that it is hard.. and Peter Pan was a nice timely reminder.

The point of Peter Pan is that life without belief is dead. A brief synopsis. Captain Hook kinda said he didnt believe in fairies and the fairies died one at a time.. and without fairies.. the whole of neverland will be no more.. Yup. SO Peter Pan had to have captain Hook believe in fairies again and then all is pretty and neverland will continue to exist. Peter Pan is the adult who is determined to live a free life.enjoy building things up(Building Wendy a place).. Not one where time(the ticking aligator) has made cynical...He has a belief that kinds of centers his life.. Yup,. and Captain Hook is a pirate, a baddie whose favourite activity is to steal/disturb that which does not belong to them. Yup, who is made grumpy, the way he is,. defined by his hook.. which is caused by the ticking aligator.. haha (the cruelty of time)

Yup.. So.. I wanna continue to believe. Not in fairies or gnomes.. But in my ideals.in God the redeemer.. Hmm.God says that he will grant you the desires of your heart.. Many desires I have.. They are at tension now.. :( I don't like how I feel. Today in the middle of work, i had this pang of panic. A deep sadness. Can't be described. Need to believe that that some good will come out of this. AM i just being silly/ridiculous...:( So again..I will remember romans. suffering produces perserverance.. perserverance character.. character hope.. and hope does not dissapoint... because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit which has been given to us.


Wanna always see the world as beautiful. wanna always be able to feel another's pain.Don't want to be hardened by the many things that i need to do. Want to be very much a human and not a efficient part in the system.. Don't want to trade my rose tinted glasses with the harsh realities that make us cynical
Want to always be in awe..

is that too much to ask?

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

The song in my mind

Today... was humming some song.. For some strange reason, it was at the back of my mind.. Imagine my delight when I heard it just now.. God works in strange ways. I cannot say that I understand Him.. his ways are definitely higher than mine.. Plans better, bigger more ambitious than mine!

Going to watch Peter Pan the musical later. Not feeling the pink of health now... So praying hard that I will be fine later.. yup. I am quite feeling bitter sweet about it. Sweet cos I really wanna watch it. :) Bitter cos this might mark the end of dates... with my special someone. hmmm. I don't know. God does.

Will trust in the unfailing. the refuge and the strength. yup. now to the song that is in my heart.

Who Am I
Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You're

Chorus:
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

Who Am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who Am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me

I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
'Cause I am Yours
I am Yours


Cheers. God Loves.

Monday, October 10, 2005

a happy night

I think that my favourite time is time spent with the girls. haha.. its marvelous what food, good company and some chocolate and cheese can do to me!:) Went out with my favourite bunch of people for a dinner. Am realy tired but wanted to meet them, its Annabelle's birthday..we went for steak (for the record, I don't eat steak)... and proceeded to Dessert at checkers (Hilton Hotel)... hmm. yours truly has expensive taste.. its gonna be amazing to see how she can support herself with her pay.. but she will!:)

Anyhow. enjoyed the time spent together. Not that I said much, or enjoyed the food. Just the comfortable camaraderie and the giggling about everything. Thank God for them!:)

Had a less than ordinary weekend. I am so tired. So much so that I have no energy. I think that it is time to eat some supplements... I wanna fly away... from all that is familliar.. I need a break....

"Hide me now, under your wing...cover me, within your mighty hands...
When the ocean roar and thunder roll.. I will soar with you above the storm...
Father you are King over the floods. I will be still and Know YOu ARE God..."

But retrospectively. weekend was good. I had a good time bonding.. Thank God for everything. Romans... trials produces character.. character perserverance... and perserverance hope.. and hope does not dissapoint...

Yup. To have hope in the one that causes hope!:)

Thursday, October 06, 2005

... I don't like excel

hahaha. I am whingeing.. Whiny in another words.

Hmm, these week has been a busy week looking at spreadsheets, data entrying and just thinking about how everything fits in.

Hmm. I don't like it. :(Ate a lot to distract myself.. So much so for losing weight, keeping fit etc etc..

I need to have the centre of my life remain the centre. Then only will things make sense. I need to not let what i want come in the way of what God would have me do.. Lord I pray you be more real, clear and that I will happily follow you!

Silence in the office.. I will pack up and go. Teach my little kid and then study more spread sheets...
.. Any tips of making that more exciting? I've tried using different colours!

:)have a good evening.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

My happy sunday morning

Let the truth finally be told. My competition is over.. Will post more photos of that when I am ready. But now, I have some photos of what I was doing on Sunday morning.

Haha. okie. Truth: I took part in the Ms Singapore World Pageant. I am thinking that everybody who read this probably knows.. But if you don't and have not guessed it.. haha, it is finally out in the open. Anyway, the tagline for this event is Beauty with a purpose. I honestly believe in this Tagline.. Hmm. though I dunno how that is possible.. but my favourite part of the whole experience would probably be the morning walk for the breast cancer Awareness... Hmm, We were the event for them in the morning. though I honestly think that we did a bad job.. ahhhh..:(


hahaha. I have a terrible posture and a fat tummy.. (need to be more bimbotic)Anyway, I am quite happy to be a part of this. If this was all there is in pageants and all. I will be good at it..


Will write more about my experiences about this when I next have time. Better start work now. In the mean time, enjoy the other pictures!


The group photo. I honestly think that this is the best photo of me in the whole pageant.. see the genuine smile.. I am not too good at faking!


Rebecca and Jeaneli. Hmmm. Fellow contestants. Nice people who are more determined than I am!!!:)

Okie, thats all folks for now. Will write again soon!
Cheers!

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Life.. and the lack of it

Much has happened in the last few days. No chronological order. Will just write what comes to mind. Do bear with me.

1) Accident-hit and run. I witnessed a hit and run two days ago... Hmm, was in the bus on my way to work... Bus was going reallly slowly and after a while, hey.. there was a cop, and a crowd of onlookers... Hmm, always complain about how I have never see an accident before. But now that I have.. hahhaa. dun make stupid comments girl...:P Anyhow, there was a man on the road and he was lifeless. You would think that it is a very sorry, sad sight. But really, it felt cold, matter of fact and nothing too "sensational"... Hmmm. what is in a human life. Do you need to have a stake in that life before you actually feel for the person? Need to be more christ like. To love even people that don't mean too much.... oh well. Another thought that came out of this... hmmm, the guy probably didnt know that it was his last day. What if today was my last day... would i leave the world with any regrets?... I choose to think not. That I have loved with all that I have.. Hmm, God will you be pleased with this servant of yours today?....

2) Emotional state... So I am busy. hahaha, understatement. Been having dance rehearsal... Well it sounds exciting right?.. wrong.. when you have 2 left feet and you feel so self awkward. haha. But it is a personal challenge.. I wanna be able to make it.. At least play the part more convincingly.. Hmm. thats really hard I telll you.. Hmm. Besides that, tuition. I think I am more stress about PSLE than all the kids i teach. Was just telling my colleagues about how I always take the "right" path in life.. Hmm, there is room for error.. PSLE should not mean the world.. I need to know that deep inside. Got my paycheck again. Haha, it is such a bitter sweet thing. Yeah. I am earning my own money. But with all these responsibilities (I am but a 22 yr ago thing)... I feel so stress. when will I finish paying for all these?... When will I be free from financial issues. Yet I know trust is all I need. To know in my heart that my God will provide... Yes. Something that is so real!Hmmm, so many uncertainties. Said bye to my colleague today. He was travelling back to South Africa. How cool is that??? Anyway, I hate goodbyes. Maybe thats why heaven is good.. Cos there will not be farewells.... hmmm... But I wish him well. He is a good man. hahahaha.:)

3) listening to my comfort music now.. considering that my comfort tv(the OC) has finished its run. Oh well, today, bryan, the coordinator for the event was telling me to live this life.. Cos I only have one.. What is abundant life? How do one have that? Pray that I will know... Cos I am working in an organization that has a vision: To live life in all its fullness....:) Yup yup.
Realise that I have not mentioned my weekend. Hahaha, I know, its approaching the next one.. But I am thankful for friends.. Thank you for a good weekend. My favourite activity is more silly than yours. Enjoyed your presence in the office:) hahahhaa. more cheapo than yours!:) Ok, have a good time at Phuket if you read this.

Ok world, I am going to sleep now. Praying for the heartache to somehow vanish.. Processes are not always my favourite cup of tea. oh well.. God has plans for me. I WILL BELIEVE IT....:)

Muacks.

Monday, September 26, 2005

To the sweetest man in the whole wide world...

Contemplating if this material is good for public viewing. But hey, as a blog that wants to show the power of God, it is good to post blessings, trials, circumstances and all.. Yup yup.

To the sweetest man in the whole world.
I want to make you smile, whenever you are sad...
But that is kinda hard when I am the cause of your sadness...
I wanna run to you and say that all is fine. pretty and good.
But I have to be true to how I feel, what I want, and look LT and not just for the here and now...
I wanna hug you, say i am deeply sorry for causing you pain.. But yet i am indifferent, I am not sorry.. Just tired...
I wanna a solution that is easy, obvious and fuss free.
But that is not happening.
I am sorry for being difficult. for causing you pain. for making you sad.
May God watch over you.. Really.
I love you.
ps: think that is enough???

Another Long week ahead.. May God love and strengthen you.

Cheers world... We serve a God that is not slow in keeping to his promises..

Friday, September 23, 2005

Friday morning in the office

Choices.
Live changing that has many many repurcussions.... No turning back no turning back...

Yesterday evening was quite exciting. More because it is a break in routine. Instead of tutoring my little six year old kid. Went down to town and tried on my dress for my competition. I look like a princess! hee. After which, had dinner with colleagues/friends...:)

Dinner was nice. Though the food was crap and I was in Funan. (You would think that how can I write that it was nice right?) hahaha. had good conversations. Hmm. It's interesting how diverse conversation topics can be.. How can people be bored talking? I don't understand. Few days ago, had lunch with my other colleagues and they were basically interrogating me on my personal life.. do you have a bf, how long have you been going out, wads he like etc.. haha. yesterday's conversation was more "learned".. so what do you think Lee Hsien Loong, singapore as the gay community, the school systems etc etc.. Time and Place for every kind of talk i guess...

Hmm, anyway, the point of this entry was to write something that i thought i would wanna remember. You know how in tv/movies you watch people go on about how "perfect" their partner is.. well. I had that real life yesterday. One of my colleagues who was recently married was sharing little pearls of wisdom. It's really sweet to hear what he said. can't remember the exact phrasing. but i rem the gist of it.. "deep respect and appreciation, enjoy each other's company,be good friends" hee. Nice. awwww.. is the word. ahahaha

Yup. one more thought. I wanna be friendly to everybody. But i don't like it when I get funny stares. hmm. blessings and curses somethings are. hee, talking about some people along the corridor of where i work,... I find it terribly funny to "ignore" somebody you meet everyday. So i guess I like to say hi, break the ice. which is all nice until....hmm.:)

Last ramble and I will go down for devotions... Lunch with boss and colleague was nice. I shan't be too quick to talk anymore. there is much wisdom in listenting to what others say.

Okie time to feed the soul. It is thirsty once more.. hmm. need to learn the meaning of true surrender...so does that mean that no more thoughts on "what I want"? persplexed me...

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

I will be here

.........
If in the dark, we lose sight of love
Hold my hand, and have no fear
'Cause I... I will be here

A song of old, one with significance...
I wanna believe it with every inch of my heart...
To feel its warmth and to feel special all over again.

Busy girl..Meeting so many people. Spreading self so thin...
Hmm. need to recollect.. to just bum. hee. a bummer at heart....

To do everything in Love.. even if it costs much..
Much is expected from one who is loved much...

"Lord, pray you will increase in me the depth of love I need to have to those around me..."

Silently seeking and hoping.....

Sunday, September 18, 2005

Happy Mooncake Festival

Today was a good day! hahaa. I went for the tree top walk at Macritchie.. SOOOO fun. hahahaha. Well. hmm. not that much fun. But I need to say that it is because my knight sacrificed and did the walk with me though he melts in temperatures above 27 degrees.. But he was nice about it.. so that was cool:)

Hmmm, other than that.. Today is the mid autumm festival. I really really like this festival because of pleasant memories.. One of my happiest times was eating mooncake and playing with lanterns and candles throughout the whole night. That was really nice.. being happy kids who are just happy!:) yup.. Sad that kids nowadays do not appreciate this festival.. A time to for family to bond, grow together and all.. Yup. so in the name of tradition, I am going to Chinese Gardens to play with lanterns after work tomorrow, haaha. that sounds a little funny. but I am excited about it..

yup yup. Slightly more hopeful about my important commitment/responsibility.. Hmm. the tenacity to see it through. that God will increase, and I .. the selfish one.. will decrease..

I am a work in progress. please be patient with me....

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Beauty

Today, had a performance.. Must say that it was much better than i expected. Yup, after that, had an interview with IS (its a magazine)... The topic was on beauty.. Interesting. I figure that I am much better speaking than looking pretty. Yup yup, the latter is quite foreign to me...

Hmm. Nothing really much, I have a souvenir of this thing. I can quit now. hahaha:) yups, it is so tiring la.. A whole day at work, then after that to this...hmm.. work.

I am getting little swamped. tom shall be an organized day.. My computer at work keeps conking out. Because of that, it is really hard to get some work done. Oh well... WOrk perils.. My latest concern is the big money question. I need to belive that God will supply all my needs..(yes yes not wants...) Hmm, after giving money to parents, school loan and insurance.. I will be living on a student allowance.. Ouch. Yup yup, must learn to be an independent chick... :)

Oh well, more yadda yadda.. but its 128 am and I need to work tom.. So going to sign off now.. Good night world....My God shall supply all my needs...:)

Random thoughts...
"Somewhere over the rainbow.....
( where troubles melt like lemon drops.. )

"Fly me to the moon..
(in other words, please be true,, in other words, I love you.

Sunday, September 11, 2005

....sleepy thoughts.....

When words do not express how I feel,
When I rather stay silent then share my thoughts,
Is that wrong, it that bad?
The inner conflict, the weary sigh
Peace rooted, Joy everlasting.

Security from up above,
tangible yet hard to grasp
One's value determined by the measure of faith,

.... I need to think, rest, pray and meditate on God's work...

Friday, September 09, 2005

Exhaustion..

Hmm, I am tired. Though it is office hours and I have like lots of things to do (like order stationery, prepare travel authorisation forms, digest HR policies, understand the way different polices work, look for something to do with international staff).. I am tired.

Hahaha, bad bad employee. But hey it is Friday, people take it slightly easier on friday right? I miss my computer, with computer can be on skype... msn etc.. Using somebody else's computer.. Hmm, I sneakily downloaded skype. but there are no contacts on it.. Miss talking to my work buddy..=p

Anyhow some thoughts.

i understand why a day of rest in impt in the bible.. time to reflect on the week and God's blessing,. I wanna have a rest day too. But its been too busy. Tomorrow, there is going to be thing that I signed up for (disclaimer: I signed up for it not knowing the itensity of commitment.. And now.. I cant get out of it..:( )

Hmm. this thing i signed up for.. Hhaha, for people who don't know what this is.. Are you curious yet??:) Anyhow, I cant decide how I feel towards it. There are the conservative people who would say that " if you feel funny about it.. it is probably the wrong thing to do"... and then you have the liberal people who say " go for it, you are only young once".. Oh well.. i guess that I learnt that there is a fallen world out there. and what am i going to do about it???

Thinking about bible verses that talk about belonging to one another. Hmm. How do people belong to one another? I know there is the superficial.. But I know that God means more than that.. But how do people belong to each other? Any thoughts anyone? I don't get it... hmm. Yup, belong but not posess.. hmm. Need some light there..

Okie dokie. I will write more.. Happy to have my office bubby back!hee. okie have a good weekend. I hope my turns out good too!

Monday, September 05, 2005

Work....

I've been so busy. SOOOOOOOO busy. I keep going: Ahh, I want to write this on my blog but when I get home, I just fall asleep... sigh..:(

Anyway, here goes before I drift to sleep..
Today I was busy preparing for the conference tomorrow.. SO much to do, the next time I get one of these packs, I would appreciate the amount of work that goes into it.

Yup, but strangely enough, I felt rather happy doing it.. Helps when I have somebody to talk to once in a while via skype =p Anyway, part of the conference that I am doing is to do with the myer Briggs.. I am a INFP based on it. i think that it describes me quite well hhahaha...

"You focus deeply on your values and devote your life to chasing ideals... you often draw people together around a common purpose and work to find a place for each person within the group. You're creative and seek new ideas and possibilities. You quietly push for what's important to you, and rarely give up. You might be somewhat gentle or have a good sense of humor, you could be hard to get to know and overlooked by others...you like to make the world more in line with your vision of perfection."

The above is from a free site.. But yup, that sounds like me!:)
Anyway, I had a good weekend. Went out with Chisern for dinner, had Spanish food. I love to try exotic food. Hee, but I decide that I don't really like Spanish. A bit too oily for my liking.. After dinner, we walked around when I saw a pub showing RUGBY!It was the tri nation finals.. Rugby reminds me of good times. Rugby is so much more entertaining than soccer!!!...hee. I was so so so happy! We sat there and to keep my spot there, I had to order chocolate moouse cake. Hee, among the many caucasians, we were like the only chinese...:) hee, till another couple came along.. Anyway, beside the good food and the fun time, I really enjoy going out with Chisern, hahaha, i have relegated him to a genderless friend.. such that I can be myself without worrying about much,Yup, thats the deal. Hee.

On Sunday went to church, talked about hving the right attitude towards what we are tasked to do, regardless of how big the task is. Yup. I wanna have a good attitude towards my work. After church, had lunch and taught tuition to my beloved tuition kid.I do want the best for her.. haha, and it hink that sometimes it means being strict. But I really dun like to play the disciplinary role.. Girl. Another one more month! You can do it.
After that, went comex to find my darling, he had a budget of 2000 to buy all that he wanted to do but he blew it...This happens when you buy a 32' flat screen tv... Yup...
After that I went for dinner with my family. Gave them a treat. It is a blessing to be able to treat people, but also ouch.. I am going to have to eat bread for the rest of the month??? hee. But I cannot complain. Thank God for good family and friends....

Yup, also, I must say that I have an understanding darling. Need to count my blessings and name them one by one. Yup yup. Peirong, cannot be so stuck in your ways k?..:) Okie then, have a good day world.. God bless!:)

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

things that happen to me...

Need to write this down.. Rather hilarious if you ask me.
But shhh, cos I am in the office now, but.. Nobody is around?!?!?! Again.Oh well, Will find something to do later but now.. Let me just give an account of my bus trip to work.

Normally, my alarm will ring at 645 and I will snooze it till 7-730 ish.. But today, I couldnt get back to sleep and I woke up...:)Thought I would try to get into work early.. Well, on time if not early. Anyway, took my bus and it is a one hour or so bus ride. Yup. Because i get bus sick should i attempt to read, the routine now is to get the ipod out and attempt to sleep.

if I get on the 745 bus,( which I got on today),2 really adorable american boys will also board with their daddies to go to school. These boys are as different as can be. At a tender age of maybe 6, one of them is probably the most popular boy.. He had a certain air around him.. however he wasnt the friendliest. The other boy had gingered curly hair.. He was the sweetest little boy ever. But a little out of place. While he would go sit with the popular boy, that little boy would put his bag down and not let him sit..Basically not being too nice to him.
Anyway, it is really a sight to see these 2 kids with their daddies.. I like the ginger hair boy!:)

so, I continued to pretend to sleep and when I finally decide that it is too cold where I am, I woke up and moved up a seat. There was this other guy there and after a while he started talking to me. People who know me know that I am perfectly happy talking to strangers.. Yup, but this guy.. Hmmm. .... interesting....
we started talking and I think during the course of our conversation, he asked me 3 times if i was married. haha. 1) do I look that old???? Whine. 2) hmm, why ask 3 times? 3) Why do I only attract these kinds of people??? (remember guy when I was crossing road in NZ?) Yup, But we had a conversation.. thank God that i was on the last leg of the incredulously long bus ride, so we didnt have to talk too long.
Hmm. am i being sensitive? there are nice guys which have good intentions. hmm. i met one last week, and then there are guys who are just trying. you never know...

Oh well.. this is indeed an interesting start to my long day of work. Excited for dinner though, I think I am going to eat steamboat! yeah! (hopefully this materialises)...

Have a good day people. God is good.

Monday, August 29, 2005

Firsts....

My first Business trip
Went to Bangkok, just came back. Becos I work in the Regional office, half of my colleagues are there..Went to Bangkok to meet the lady that I am suppose to be under.. Got too many direct people that I report too. I am confused.. Well, this happens when you are the lowest down the food pyramid.Hmm, but I am glad how things went in terms of wad I am suppose to learn. hopefully, I dun forget it all. Yup, glad that my colleagues there are nice and supportive and all happy to help me. Hope I was not too much of a bother.

Anyhow, should I be honest, the highlight of my trip is not work.. (gee why are you not surprised???) On the last night there, went out with a colleague(is that how I should classify you? hmm, well, thats the first place I met you.. at the printer..)
Anyhow, went with him to learn photography with his boss and had dinner and did a little shopping.. Hmm. I am getting old. My idea of a good time together involves good conversations more than other things.. Yup, it never fails to amaze me when it is so easy to bond with what was once a complete stranger. Anyway, thank you Lord for putting friends in my life who help me share these special moments...

Oh, need to mention another blessing. On my way to Bangkok, sat beside this lady who basically decided to adopt me..we took the cab together to my office and she was like a mummy. Hmm.A nice start to a first trip...

First competition

This is my first time in such a competition..Don't think that I really wanna say wad it is for but I need to talk about it. Haha. for one, it is quite a weird feeling to be constantly judged for something that is quite foreign to me. I need to learn to be more confident. Hmmm. " a gentle and quiet spirit that does not give way to fear"....

Yup, I am so not used to the real world (in the sense of bitchiness etc). But I wanna be a light.. Pray I will not cover it.Oh. I feel kind silly, Silly because I took part in the spirit of fun. But as you go through it, you can't help but feel competitive about it and all, and with the great amount of physical attributes in this competition, it can get quite out of hand..
Hopefully, I will always be doing this in the right spirit. I was so scared today I was actually shivering....

first love
Infactuation or the real thing? Everynow and then, you find a special friend... somebody that you can clique with.. And that is special. I really like to meet people, understand where they coming from and through them, learn a little bit more about the world. But with such a mindet, one bound to meet somebody who seems great and blows you away and shakes that equlibrium...well.. then what? What holds you together to your first love? commitment? hmm. I pray that I will be honorable in all my dealings. I so understand why people stray from their sweethearts and break ups happen...Lord, i surrender them to you my thoughts...

lalalala, today I watched million dollar baby. It is such a good real sad show. I think that it is sad when motivation comes out of desperation, anger or lack. I wanna be a fighter because I believe in it.. Pray I will aways have that faith... Yup yup yup then. thats all folks for today! thumbs up for a good and fruitful day tom!

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

My first day of work....

Today was my first day of work at World Vision.. Woke up at 615 cos I was afraid I would be late... Took the 702 bus and reached Chai Chee at 802.. A good half hour before I was to be there...

SO anyway, I got in at 830 and I met up with the colleague that interviewed me... She is this nice lady. Haha, sweet, gentle and nice... So she was showing me thousands of things.. (orientation package, my contract, some cds etc etc).. and she lost track of time.. There was devotions at 9 and we only reached at 915.. which was when devotions kinda end and announcements were given... Yup, So i was an annoucement. Haha, I must have said hi to at least 20 people today. Today was a shy day though, I was just trying to not get into people's way.. So weird. I still don't really know how to react to colleagues, cant be friendly like friends, people at church, hmmm, oh well.. Learning curve is going to be fun..

After devotions, I got my desktop.. a pentium 4 IBM.. hahaha, no ibook or apple for me... spent the next 10 mins or so trying to rip off the plastic covering of my new chair.. got a new everything. Exciting... I also had to learn lotus notes.. Hmm. Before it was even installed in my PC, I already had mail sent to me...

SO while I was watching an orientation CD, this phonecall came and I had my first real task given.... Photocopying. Haha, 16 copies of 9 sets of notes... Yup. Ms photocopy... I am glad to say that I am not the bottleneck.. the machine was.. haha. it photocopies at an average speed of 3 secs per page.. which would be very slow when you just have sooo much to photocopy.. While I was still at it... suddenly, my boss goes.. okie, lets go for lunch.. I had to drop everything and take the wallet and go.. Haha, I was actually rather hungry! So there were other people around and so I had a treat.. (zi cha)... heh. Boss paid. I think it's cool to pray together with your colleagues... Lunch was alright. After a while, back to office.

Yes, to the pgotocopying machine.. you would think that such activities are no sweat.. But.. IT WAS HARDWORK... Heh. I was like so exhausted listening to the photocopier and suddenly I had a time limit.. Hahaha. Oh well. That was done and I met up with the computer guy to teach me Lotus Notes... heh..

Not mentioned that throughout the day, I was given bits of information on what forms to fill for what kind of claims.. Hahaha. after the 5th piece of information. I am like.. ok, information overload. I can't take in anymore.. hahaa. but.. I cant do that can I...

Hmm. I think that the main part of the job is to be my boss's Personal Assistant.. So after all the craziness. I had a short meeting with her. Haha. All the sofas were taken up so we went to the nearby cafe and had coffee (hot chocolate for me though)... She went over more information and the key performance indicators that I would be rated upon. hahaa. Stress.. Cos I was really like zonked by then.. Heh..
I think that she is a nice lady. Very dynamic.. I would like to say that it is good training for me to be learning from her.. Yup, a tough boss, No nonsense sort.. But she knows what she is doing.. and she has a fire in her belly! hahaa.

I am going to Bangkok next week for training.. Woah.. Exciting. hahaha. SHould I stay a little longer there to go shopping? hmm. Or should I come back for the competition... hmm. I think that I should be responsible to my tuition kids.. I feel bad for them..

Okie, enough details for my day.. God is great.. He has put my love for children, a business degree, my passions all in one thing.. Hmm. while I do not particularly enjoy photocopying and admin.. I see a future in things.. Yup. SO I aM hopeful... Yup.. hee.Work is tiring I tell you. Had to take a nap at 8pm.. Haa. gosh. Oh well. Today is Monday.. I will write more again I guess. Heh. Have a good day too! God is good.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

last days of my bumming life

Weds: Went for medical.. Quite an interesting trip to office. Drove there.. Parents were nice and sweet, so I was spared the long mrt ride.. So I got to my office.. the sweet lady that i was suppose to meet wasnt in town so I had to meet this other guy, my future colleague... he was a bit stuttery. hahaa. quite a funny guy. So I went to the medical. the nurse was qutie grumpy.. but that was alright.. the worst part was the peeing part..I had to do a urine test... but i was really not having any peeing tendencies.. so that was hard..to add to it, I was under a time constraint. Gotta pee n have the check up before the clinic closes at 123o. haahhaa. stress:)
After that, had tuition and meeting.. Went back with this girl.. Hmm.quite nice talking to her.. I think I am old.. Now, my favourite activity is good conversations.. so sad.. hahaha. I am getting old.

Today. Haha, I had an interesting day.. Hmm, saw how ugly humans can be like.. The world is not all rosy.. Nope. Not at all.. But we have a choice. Choice to be gracious and be different.. I understand what it means..
What I am doing is completely completely out of my element. Its funny la. I dunno wad to sae... Hmm. Will think about it. I dunno. It is an experience whatever it is.. Hhaha, though I think I look like a ghost. okie then..
Oh well.the last of my days.. WHile I am looking forward to my work next week, I am a little apprenhensive.. though I am learning to not fret. Yup. God is good:) all the time! Hopefully tom is a good day of bumming... hee... Not too long now.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Next chapter in life

Yeah! I got my job.. hahhaa, the one I was going on about the other time.. God is good. I should start believin in his power abilities.. Yup yup. I got an awesome God.. though I am no where near awesome.. Failed again today. Failed to keep my cool, failed to be patient..It really is crap. Oh well, such is life.. I need to decrease and let God increase...:)

I got a natural disposition to fret.. Hmm. psalm 37 says: Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil... I need to stop being a kancheong spider.. O god help me...

On a brighter note, I went to botanic gardens today! heh. and it started raining... quite funny really. Watched Charlie and the chocolate factory. Hee, Willy wonker so does not look like Johnny Depp!!!! hmmm. interesting.

hee.. Alright now. I am happy now, gotta make the most of time before I start work...
Okie, nites. God bless you!

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Why believe in this day and age.

I am a christian. A child of God. I believe in Jesus because I know that without him, I am nothing. I believe that I am made with a purpose.. and that He will do his part to change me to ne more like him. I know that I am a fallen person. One who has weaknesses, one who fails by her own account. But because I am so weak, God is my strength. I know that the world is tempting. There are many ways to drift. Many ways to decide is better than faith. I know that God is real. God knows me and so He will see me through. I do what I do because of LOVE.

I just read a blog. It's very disturbing. It's disturbing not because we share different values. Not because she is liberal but I am conservative. Disturbing because being a christian is broken down to rules and regulation. I honestly cross my heart think that I am a christian because I love Jesus. I love Him because I truly know he loves me..

Sigh. I wish that people will noe that too. Being a christian is tough. No doubts about it. Being a Christian has its sacrifices.. It sux sometimes.. But God is good. there is something to be learnt. And I am not being cliche here..

Being arty and liberal.What is the line between a fine art shot of nudity and a mere erotic nude shot. Guys being visual creatures will just say everything is bad.. No doubts about it. But is that true. I have this artistic side that I wanna express. I see beauty in the bare.. But I can onli say that IT IS MEANT TO BE BEAUTIFUL.. God made it. Obviously it is beautiful. Perhaps conservation is for our good in mind. To protect us otherwise. Hmm. just entered a contest. Pray that was a good decision. Some person I respect said that nthg is intrinsically bad(hope i am not hearing what i wanna hear) but I just wanna have some fun( ahha,i noe this does not sound good, but i am being terribly honest) yup. Gosh. I will just pray and be wise.. Oh Lord, I pray this is okie with you...

Okie. Enough ranting.

Something more substantial. I went for an interview yesterday. I think that it was surreal. but nice. I was bombarded with many situational questions. Haha. I dun think I did too well. The lady was rating me there and then. It was quite traumatising. After 40 mins of explaining me and myself. She told me where she is coming from and got me all excited for the job. Got me to see the future but told me the cold hard reality of the present ( I will be the lowest at the food pyramid, I will be the one doing the coffee pouring, photocopying).. but I will be learning.. Learning about cool stuff.. yup yup.. hahaha, I like the goals.. 1) to bear witness for christ. 2) to seek justice 3) to transform lives
Yup, How not to want to work for such a good company (short of the pay). haaha But somethings are more important to me than others I guess. I wanna keep to it.. To know what is very important to me and to stick to it...

Yup yup. I learn that I really do not need to worry about tomorrow, cos tomorrow will worry about itself. Thank you Lord.
Hee, if you managed to finish reading this. I applaud you.Rantings and more rantings.
Thank you Jesus for letting me know you and to have you so real. I love you.

Sunday, July 31, 2005

A slice of life

sitting down here for the past half hour thinking about how i wanna phrase my sentence, organize my thoughts.. Haha. but i decided that that is an impossible task. My friend asked me awhile back why do you have a blog.. I think that it is for me to consider what has happened at a critical distance. where I can be a little detached from it and hence seen the true essence of stuff that are important..

okie so lets get to it for today...
1) Watched finding neverland.. Heh... I think that it's nice. It's nice to have the ability to see the special in the ordinary, to believe when there is no hope.. A fine line between faith and hopeless wishing( i cant get the right word out...)Yup, I wanna have faith.. Yet not onli desire for neverland.. not to be happy onli in the make shift world. but also to be happy here.. hmmm... Feel like there is so much in the show that I haven't grasp. Well perhaps i will watch it again? heh.

2) Met up with 2 rather senior people in church.. Hmm, I think that they would have me do some stuff. Honestly, I would be happy to do it too. One more than the other, but,.. So many obstacles.. if I obey God. what is it that he will want me to do? What will please him? so many choices. I think that I want to please God above people.. decisions.. that need to be decided soon.

3) Met with my good old pastor friend. Haha,I was waiting for the bus when I saw him. He asked me what I was going to do now that I have finished school, how the job hunt was etc.. Hahaha, being the nice hospitable guy that he was, he invited me to his place to have a better chat with him about future career and all that stuff. I think that God has a plan for everything. I wasnt going to go to that particular bustop, but.. I just felt like it then.. Hmmm, so what did we discuss? He being the street wise man that he was.. suggested some alternatives that I can take, we discussed about working for a christian organization and all that stuff.. If I took back anything, it is probably that "brighten up girl, the world is your oyster!" Ya, need to have more faith in the God that made me.. yup yup. Can accomplish more than being nice and sweet to people whom I love.

4) Arguments and stuff. SOmewhere in my favourite book of the bible, it talks about how people argue because they dun get what they want.. Hmm,how true.. argued. Yeah. on one hand i want something, on the other hand, I want to make person happy. Yeah.. Sux when you yourself cant decide what you want. Like this would so cause you to be double minded.. unstable in all you do. yup, I think that one of my greatest fears is to become an old nag. I think that being a woman means so many things. And one big thing is to be into little details that guys incidentally do not have much clues about.. And so..sparks fly and shoulders are rub the wrong way. SIgh.I need to learn to let things slide more.. To not be so obsessed with the little things.. May God help me. I want to be always happy with who I am with. SOmething that is so difficult sometimes. Oh well, cannot be afraid to love and be loved.. which brings me to my next point.

5) Tuesdays with Morrie. A movie on hallmark channel. Nice movie.. well in my definition at least. You never noe how to live until u learn how to die.. Should I die tomorrow, will I be happy to die? Is there anything that I havent done? To be honest. I dunno. I wanna touch more people's lives i guess. hmm. I think that I like to impart whatever little knowledge i have to somebody. SO they won't have to experience the pain and whatever comes with it.. yup. Other than that, I guess i am rather at peace with myself.. haha, i am ready to die!

Other than these thoughts, went cycling today. Haha, i am rather wobbly on a bike. I blame it on the high cg.. But it was fun. hahaha, dun think i wanna do it anytime soon but. hee. cycled to chinese gardens. Quite pretty... yup yup. I am beginning to see the beauty of the person the means a lot to me.. (and not just the flaws)
o thank god for girlie friends. ahaha i used to find it completely weird to have to write girlfriends.. like eee. so they will be called girlie friends. Yup, they are there always to be a friend regardless of circumstances...
Okie, enough rantings for tonight. I think that Love is important.. It really is. Pray I will learn to always love people and not see them entertainment or objects to be entertained.. Sincerity Lord I pray....

Thursday, July 28, 2005

Reason for the season...

Chambers says it all. Hopefully I wun be infringing any copyright laws.. Thank You for reminding me that God is interested in the now and not the mere later.

Oswald Chambers Devotional
We tend to think that if Jesus Christ compels us to do something and we are obedient to Him, He will lead us to great success. We should never have the thought that our dreams of success are God’s purpose for us. In fact, His purpose may be exactly the opposite. We have the idea that God is leading us toward a particular end or a desired goal, but He is not. The question of whether or not we arrive at a particular goal is of little importance, and reaching it becomes merely an episode along the way. What we see as only the process of reaching a particular end, God sees as the goal itself.

What is my vision of God’s purpose for me? Whatever it may be, His purpose is for me to depend on Him and on His power now. If I can stay calm, faithful, and unconfused while in the middle of the turmoil of life, the goal of the purpose of God is being accomplished in me. God is not working toward a particular finish— His purpose is the process itself. What He desires for me is that I see "Him walking on the sea" with no shore, no success, nor goal in sight, but simply having the absolute certainty that everything is all right because I see "Him walking on the sea" ( Mark 6:49 ). It is the process, not the outcome, that is glorifying to God.

God’s training is for now, not later. His purpose is for this very minute, not for sometime in the future. We have nothing to do with what will follow our obedience, and we are wrong to concern ourselves with it. What people call preparation, God sees as the goal itself.

God’s purpose is to enable me to see that He can walk on the storms of my life right now. If we have a further goal in mind, we are not paying enough attention to the present time. However, if we realize that moment-by-moment obedience is the goal, then each moment as it comes is precious.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

An Apt Poem....

Emily Dickinson - "Hope" is the thing with feathers

"Hope" is the thing with feathers --
That perches in the soul --
And sings the tune without the words --
And never stops -- at all --

And sweetest -- in the Gale -- is heard --
And sore must be the storm --
That could abash the little Bird
That kept so many warm --

I've heard it in the chillest land --
And on the strangest Sea --
Yet, never, in Extremity,
It asked a crumb -- of Me.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

A post dedicated to the bumming life

lalalalala. WHat do you do at 224pm in the afternoon when your normal group of friends are busy doing what they need to do? Yups, you guessed it right! You write on your blog, to entertain yourself.. Telling yourself that you have an audience who is listening to you and your thougths... But I dun have very many thoughts.
Or maybe I do... Hmmm. You will never know.

Anyway, I am thinking about Howard,. Haha, yess.. I am still going on about him... Heh. He is quite a character. Sometimes I feel like bein gone of the many people that talks to him on his chat thing.. Haha. but i wun go there.. He likes the show eternal sunshine o the spotless mind.. I wanna noe why. I lurrve that show. It is good. hee. but i think that one must kinda relate to something that happended to lurrrve the show and quote it and listen to its soundtrack.. wanna noe why. hahahaha yes. I am bored. Not really. I am to do this for a fren. and I have not been the most diligent... sigh...

Oh well. I am just an unemployed girl with too many dreams in my head.. lalalala. nothing much to say. Hee. Alright, to those who need to work, take care then. I will be thinking of you!:)

Monday, July 25, 2005

Ways people attempt to regain some control

1) Pack the house. If the place is organized, and if I know where everything is, I would have a better piece of mind. I would be able to regain some level of control though I am losing control in whatever I am doing....

2) Be really stressed and efficient.. Do something radical, something that is not what you would otherwise do.

Why do people need to feel in control? An inate desire? To want things to be in order,to want to know how things function and to know one's part in the system of things. But what if one isnt happy with how things are like? What if one wants more, is that wrong? Is that a bad motive?....

I feel so stressed again. Hahaha. I don't want to be a double minded person, unstable in all I do. Hmm. I read the papers and all i see is pay for this pay for that, spend your life behind bills. etc etc. Circumstances are so real, I wish I could say that I am beyond that.. But u noe what, NOPE. I am not, caught in the web of urban stress. Sigh. I wanna get out of that. Hmm. faith to believe that this fact is not what will determine the life I will have. Oh well, I wanna to have the purest motive in whatever I do, this is so hard. May God so help me.

Sunday, July 24, 2005

The moon is the same everywhere in the world!

I just realised an interesting fact.. That when the moon is round in singapore.. It is round everywhere else in the world!:)haha.. so.. this made me think about the song from the american tale..

Somewhere out there
Somewhere out there beneath the pale moonlight
Someone's thinking of me and loving me tonight
Somewhere out there someone's saying a prayer
That we'll find one another in that dream somewhere out there

And even though I know how very far apart we are
It helps to think we might be wishin' on the same bright star
And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby
It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky

Somewhere out there if love can see us through (love can see us through)
Then we'll be together somewhere out there
Out where dreams come true

hmmm, I dun quite remember the american tale, remember liking it in the movies, i think it is one of the first few moviews in my life.. Well, for the young folks born after 1987 (this is when American Tale was in the cinemas), go check it out. A sweet innocent show.. Hmm, I am thinking about this song because I am reminded that though we may be thousand of miles away from each other.. when we look up at the moon, it looks exactly the same for you and for me.. Something similar that we share together through our different life events..

yes yes i noe.. Gibberish. I should go sleep. heh.:)Nites world.

Thursday, July 21, 2005

My favourite foto for now



Until I paint this, this is my favourite foto for now. Well, let me explain. This foto is taken near my place at the canal. The grill represents the imaginary barrier between the 2 worlds. The 2 worlds are as different as can be yet they can exist in the same composition... Hmm, am i confusing you yet? Perhaps I just like the photo for an unexplainable reason?

Can 2 irreconciliable parts meet?

Greetings. Another late night. Not that I need to, but more like I am releasing my stress, uncertainties, worries.

Went for 2 interviews lately. They are as different as the east is from the west.
But i think that they are the 2 very different sides of who I am. Will these 2 sides merge? Will there be a meeting point where I can noe why I am the way I am?

I know that there will not be an easy answer. I wanna draw. Paint. Block out the stress, uncertainty etc. But I feel so stuck. So forced to be something... When will my reflection show, who I am inside of me? (the thing is.... I dunno what I am inside of me)

I feel sometimes that I dunno who I am. I know that I can give you all the perfect answers (something that I just found out from my interviews), but because of that, sometimes I feel like I've spread myself too thin. Hmm, What is Peirong like? Beats me.. heh.

Okie, hopefully, tomorrow will be a happy day. Today, I got a cool package! A rugby tape.. Of the All blacks! I am touched. That is such a sweet gesture. hee. Thank you Lord for good friends. I got a nice office thingy too. I must say that it is probably one of the most thoughtful gifts I got.. haha, considering the context of the situation.(me wanting to do something that God wills while being scared that I may be stifled...) this is a very pretty scripture holder kinda thing.. To entertain me on my office job. It reads "Bloom where God plants you". Thanks girl, It means alot. A sweet package and a thoughtful gift... Stuff to be thankful for.

"Do not be worried about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself"... Teach me Lord to believe that with all my heart.

:) Have a good night

Monday, July 18, 2005

Wad people will do for a donut?

What: Survivor's reward challenge
How: To stay calm and composed as water rises up to the chin
Reward: eventually? A million dollars
Scandal: A contestant gave up the on the challenge for a donut. This was because he had not had a decent donut in while and he would do anything for a donut

Well.. The revised version as told by my pastor.. How many of us has given up on something that is so great just for momentary happiness? I am guilty of this. Today, I just failed again. I dunno. Dunno if it is even wrong. But.. Yup. sigh. I dun just want the donut. I want the million dollars too!.. I wanna be perfect. I wanna give up the now for my future. I want to lead a filled life. O Lord. Only you have perfect control. I pray you will never leave me...

Yups. just something to think about. Pray I will never give my birthright for soup... hmmmm

Friday, July 15, 2005

One of my favourite activities

0118. Breezy. A little sneezy. but listening to frank sinatra and the crickets in the background, also surfing and chatting. This is the life. I love moments like these. Chill and sweet. (though i have a headache that is lingering, a nose that is drippy, eyes that are dry and tummy that is a little queasy) heh. today has been a happy day! I went to the zoo! hee. yups yups. Zoo. actually, i am not an animal lover. But been wanting to check out the ben and jerry's parlour(ice cream)...

Went there with a good fren, decided to make a round but when we reached the children's world, it started pouring so we set down at kfc and talked.. hee. then we continued our walk... well.. few highlights. we say perrie dogs (is that how u spell it)mate, monkeys pee, elephants being trained (things animals do for food) touched a butterfly and a snake, ATE ICE CREAM, saw a horse carriage (my fren spotted it and showed me, says that it is so me).. yups yup. no guesses what I liked the best.

Yups, it was a good excursion. I think going to the zoo is like bringing back good memories as a kid. The children's world is a place of so much promise. little kids running around and laughing and smiling. hee. I like little tots... (not tnough to have my own at this point though) Yup, though this is the first time I took a bus to the zoo.. It's been something that I've been wanting to do. So it is more exciting because of the hype.. Aidan used a word, was it amp? I can't remember. so if you are reading this, do let me know! it's bugged me the whole day!... Yup, when I was in wellington, wanted to go to this chocolate fish cafe really badly.. well, we kinda kept pushing it back till that faithful day. heh well. faithful day cos it was the perfect day.. We played swing and walked and walked and walked.. when we thought that we had to turn back as we were running late. Guess what we saw? The chocolate fish cafe! heh.. yups, I was estatic. (sorry but my spelling is going down the drain).. yups, not that the stuff were great. it was just the whole hype,the whole i must do this... well. if you get what i mean.. if not.. this is just a record of something that I will rememember for a while to come.. Yup yup.

Going for breakfast with my fren tom. so i think i should crash soon. Nite world. Will do this chilling again soon enough. In the mean time, I love you Jesus. thank you for being good.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

godliness with contentment is great gain

This is taken from the bible. I think that it is so hard to achieve. Yups, what is contentment. What does it take for one to be content? So where does progress come in?

Today has been a hard day. Not that the day is over. I just felt very overwhelmed out in the world and so I wanted to come home, my place of refuge.. only to be asked when I am going to pack my stuff... Tough days come in a blow.. No intermittance there.

Excellence. How does one be content with excellence. What does it even mean? Hmm, issues to grapple with. I don't really know how to phrase myself. God will you send something for me to do please??? Open my eyes that I may see and not be blinded by the glitz and glamour.

Different people see the different sides of an individual.Nope, not that one side is true and the other false. It is more like these different sides make up the whole individual.. Reminds me of my film art module when we watched this 1940 movie called citizen kane.. How do you really describe a person? What do you know about the person? can you truly say you noe the person?? Some time last week, i was described as sweet. Not that it is a bad word. But.. I am thinking, there is so much more in me than sweet. (though it must be an improvement over a physical observation: tall). Yup, I have depth.. no guarantee how deep though. Yups, people choose to see what pleases them. Perhaps the individual also inadvertantly (cant spell) show them the side that they wanna see) sigh. I dunno. Besides God, will anybody else really know me for me? hmm, how so when I dunno myself? Anyway, babbling. I guess what I want to say is that I have friends who see this side of me and to a small degree, I have been stereotyped into this mold. I guess I am guilty of doing this too. Sigh, i should stop it. Yes, When will i once again feel: yup, this is it,this is what the lord has installed for me.... pray it happens soon. else i may become ....:(

Thursday, July 07, 2005

deliberations

Emotions.They are scary when they are out of sync. A little agitated. So hard to have one's attention. Well, u get unwanted attention but yet, it is not enough. Only to some people do you want to know that you are heard. Not just having listened to you "blindly".. but rather interact with you as you talk.. Sharing thoughts and ideals.

well. I know that I am probably the most demanding girl in this town. but what can I say. Oh well.. there is always the blog that I noe I can turn to. yups. lots of thoughts again today. why do I think sooooooooooo much? Lord. I hope that something good will come out of all this thoughts.

1) My brother. Brilliant beyond brilliance. Thats how he will serve the Lord. Through performing operations. Through being a good doctor, loving his patients, being an example for others and just being a light that is not afraid of anything. I am so proud of him. hahaha. Singapore, look out for the future politician...

2) God works wonders in different ways... I am reminded that it is important to be excellent in all we do. how is excellence different from strive? today the chancellor was going on about "why can't NUS be the best university.. we have the best ports etc etc.. " I am reminded that the narrow path is difficult, treacherous, but yet rewarding and worthwhile...Teach me to perservere.

3) Went out with Chisern today. I like to go out with friends with no strings attached. haha. yups. we had a good time. A time to laugh and watch batman together... Wow. its cool when people use what they have been blessed with to good use. Well. I am just taking this loosely from the show. I dun want to be super hero that cannot share my identity. I wanna be able to tell all where this "superness" comes from. Why I am the way i am, why I believe in that way...

4) Tuition with a small little boy. 6 really. His parents are giving their all to this little thing. Haha. he is quite cute. All little boys are in my opinion. What happened to them as they grow up??? Why do they almost always end up obnoxious.. (haha, even for a little while)???
Anyway, I think that upbringing is so important. The little boy, a new clean slate is unable to learn English really because he is not in the right environment to do so. Are you in the right environment to learn what you wanna learn???

5)London Blast. Gosh. Why do people do things like that. out of 10 people, only 1 thinks. I believe that only one person(the leader) thought, strategized, decided it.. The rest, the people who do it. I think that more often than not, people who have been too "brainwashed" to decide that what they do is a bad and evil thing. They probably honestly think that they are doing the world a favour. Yups, but but but. Hows? so whats the thing to do? How do you prevent something like that from happening again?

Honestly, I dunno. I would like to say that violence does not really do much. War and more wars. Haven't humanity learn something in the last 200 years? But then one may say, what are we going to do? I think that men have tried countless of ways. Many. you name it u got it. But maybe thats not the point. I am inclined to say that I am into non violence. but that's not being weak. That's about knowing what will work and what will not. Love makes the world go round. Such events will inevitably take place. So says the bible.. So what can I do as a christian? How do I show my faith? I think that it is important to know that death is not the worst thing. There is something worst than live... God is hope in His strange way. Hope not in the tangibles but more than that. oh well. I guess in His time and His way, he will show the reason.

Okie. enough thinkings for today. :) I am going to do something exciting. hmm. sleep? :P

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Journeys of faith

Yeah, I finally got to go to the Asian Civilisation Museum to see the exhibition. The exhibition is about the artefacts and paintings found in the vatican city... I must say that I was rather disturbed, saddened.. by it.. the exhibition was good in itself.. i must say. the works of art exquisite. but i found myself little "greived"... when men want a part in the glory of God...

I must say that what is posted here is entirely my opinion and it is not representational of any opinions out there. Hmm.. the exhibition started about the different stuff about Jesus, ie his crucification, his resurrection, he feeding his sheep and all. At this point, I was thinking that I should bring all my friends not of the same faith to this place. It would be a non threatening way to share my faith.... It's really amazing the amount of emotion a painting can evoke, the thoughts that went into it.. The culmination of efforts and time spent in devotion while doing it.

Yups, i like to go to museums.. anyway, the tour of the museum goes on. after all the intro about jesus, there were stuff about Peter and Paul. which had beautiful painitngs and artefacts too.. Hmm. then comes the part that made me a little sad.. as we walked, we saw the blueprints of the saint peter's church (I am thinking this is the big thing) and the whole big deal with it. I recognize that this is all good and I have a love interest in buildings too.. But as I walked through the exhibition, I can't help but feel that the whole exhibition was about the catholics. about their pope and its attires, the seat where the pope seats.. so much so that everything else was secondary to it...

Should this be an ordinary exhibition i guess i would be fine. But this was about the faith of God..Sigh, I fully understand how a religion can end up being about itself. It's relics, its rituals(cant think of a better word)...

Oh well, we all need a faith. Something for us to make sense of this world... I just pray that my faith to my God will not be reduced to mere relics. mere paintings. That i will always remember the reason for my faith.. and not the mere instruments of it.

Gotta go, cant make it sound more coherent!

Monday, July 04, 2005


Hong Kong.. With my family! Posted by Picasa

.....:(....

Just struck by a sudden panic attack. Oh no. What if nobody wants to hire me? Am i going to just be a bum? What if I can't find a job... Ahhh. I need to trust. Trust in a perfect plan... But but but but it's human nature to wonder. To worry. I don't want to have a human nature.. Whinee... Hmm. my sister says that only people who care enough about you will read your blog.. hmm, i think that I started this blog as an avenue for my own thoughts. Whether anybody reads it is secondary. But why do i because of this think that nobody cares? Adding stress only. Silly girl i know i am,.. heh.

Oh well. I need to be happy I know.. Just this feelings come up once in a while. Can't be unsure of myself.. How else would others believe in me? Okie, I need to be positive. Yeah.

Okie,i need to be good and pack my room..Faith and gratitute...

Trust and Obey, when there's no other way.
To be happy in the Lord Jesus.
But to trust and obey.