Thursday, March 31, 2005

chasing the perfect moment

Just watched swimming to cambodia. It's basically a monologue about life, war and all things real. This guy comes along and like a story teller, tells us abt his account of playing a role in the show: the killing fields. This is really a very diff kind of show. I understand if people would think of this show as boring., it really requires lots of attention. But i like it.

One of the recurring themes was abt the search of the perfect moment. Where you go and say ahhhh this is it, this is what life is all about. When you travel and u reached a point when u are just so happy? I can think of a moment like this. When i was at the hot water beach in the coromandel. The playing with hot water in the middle of winter. It is quite funny really. The meeting of accquaintance and doing happy things and all. Hahaha. wad can i say.

Anyway, i was thinking that one should not always look out for that perfect moment. We may not see all the beautiful things that are less than perfect as we continue our pursuit of the perfect. The so called treacherous journey is beautiful and perfect in its own special way. I dun really know how to describe how i feel. Just that I need to learn to stop looking only at the goal but also the process that leads me there.

Pray that I will find something to do after I grad.. I just found out that I need to do something that I believe in. SO help me Lord.

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Can i whine????

Ahhh.. School is ending everything is piling.. I am stressed. Just a little. But I like the stress. Little silly aint I? Oh well. What can I say.

Sigh. Annoyed with my family. I feel like why do I bother? So difficult. Soooo difficult. I know that everybody have struggles.. Sigh, whine. Today aint a good day... Yups, hate it when i feel the way i do.. Oh well. I must count my blessings.

I wish i can rant now. But I noe its not the right thing to do. I need you Lord, more than yesterdae. Sigh. Tonight will be a better night.

Saturday, March 26, 2005

Good Friday.. Amazing Love...

Today is good Friday. A day to remember. Remember what our Good Lord has done for us. I finally understand why its only like 1 chapter in each gospel.. It is so hard to grasp the magnitute of it... What our Lord has done for us. Thank you for the cross my friend.....
Yup yup, I can go on about how our Lord has done. but what can I do to reciprocate God's goodness, grace and kindness...One life of choices . Lord I pray you teach me these choices...

Yups, went to school today. project meeting. It went okie. I like the challenge of it... yups. dun really noe what to sae. Think diff people have different abilities. Impt to be able to compliment each other regardless of how different we may be... Embrace differences.

Okie, hopefully I will have the guts to do what i wanna do tom.. I pray if it is Your will, you will give me the courage to do it...


When I survey the wondrous cross
On which the Prince of glory died,
My richest gain I count but loss,
And pour contempt on all my pride.

Forbid it, Lord, that I should boast,
Save in the death of Christ my God!
All the vain things that charm me most,
I sacrifice them to His blood.

See from His head, His hands, His feet,
Sorrow and love flow mingled down!
Did e’er such love and sorrow meet,
Or thorns compose so rich a crown?

His dying crimson, like a robe,
Spreads o’er His body on the tree;
Then I am dead to all the globe,
And all the globe is dead to me.

Were the whole realm of nature mine,
That were a present far too small;
Love so amazing, so divine,
Demands my soul, my life, my all.

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Supper.. Help I am growing fat!

Been a long time since I last posted on my blog. Have been good i guess. Just came back from supper with Dave and other church people. Today was a slightly sad day. Sad because of the lack of assimilation. Need to believe that it is not me. Can't really be me cos i am suppose to decrease and Christ increase. Oh well, Lord please grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change and the courage to change the things that I can.

Other than that, school has been rather hectic. Kinda sad that it is all ending. Need to have direction on what I will do next... Make money for God's kingdom? Decide that I wil be more proactive.. Need to make things happen. Help me lord I pray. Church has been challenging. I think that I am growing as I feel like I m in the middle of trials.. Which should be good since trials produces character, character pereserverance and perserverance hope.. Yups. I need the strength of the Lord.

OKie, tom will be a good day. I know it will be.

Sunday, March 13, 2005

An ordinary day..

Have you ever been in a situation where you do what you don't really want to do? But because of circumstances, you feel like you should do it?.. Well, i think that as I grow...I think that I should do less of that.. cos life is short. I need to find the things that I wanna do, when you truly believe it.. It provides all the meaning for doing it...

Today, went for the IT sale.. Almost had a stampede.. My knight in shining armour saved the day.. Hee, added points to his account. Other than that, went for dinner with marilyn. It was quite a nice place. We rated the place 9/10 for ambience, 7/10 for food, 1/10 for price.. hahaah , ya, it was rather pricey.. more than we thought it should be, but oh well... it was really nice for a catching up place..afterwards we went shopping.. and watched in good company.. It was an ok show i guess.. Not too bad. Quite funny... Love going out with girlie friends.. It feels different. A good difference.

OKie, going off now. It's been a good day.

Thursday, March 10, 2005

Robots....

Watched the animated show "robots".. I LURRRVE it.. heh. It's so endearing. Rodney is a robot that comes from "poor" robot family who wears hand me down.. He wants to be an inventer an so he leaves his hometown to go to the big city: Robot city.
Anyway, its a show where they he tries his best and against all odds, he managed to have his dream fulfilled.. as with all good cartoons.. The ability to fulfill one dreams. Hahah, besides that the show is really funny.. Its got all the poking fun of society and all...

Anyway, I love cartoons. They are all full of hope, potential and are always so happy! What do I do now? I am growing "up".. I am supposed to noe what I am to do..... I guess I know that what I does is a small part of the whole big schema of things.. As long as I glorify the divine one, whatever I do is immaterial. Pray that I will not be so disturbed so soon...:)

Today has been a good day. I thank God for the many special people in my life. What will I do without them? Yups, God is good and He loves me!

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Under achievement

Today, I felt the deep sense of underachievement. U know that you can do so much more than u are doing.. but time is precious. You can't do everything. Trade offs. Where is the line? How much should one do?

I am going to graduate soon. I feel like I have done poorly in uni. But wasn't that the aim? To try to enjoy my courses and not worry about grades? I wanna keep to that but why do I feel this way?

So what have i done in uni?
Poor grades (sigh...)
Driving!!!
Exchange
Tuition the aim to make a contribution

I think that i have sub consciously decided that relationships with ppl are more impt than grades. I noe thats true. But I feel failed. I wanna achieve much. I wanna do well. Take away all these selfish ambitions.. That I may do things with a PURE heart.

Relationships are hard. Have I made a mistake by giving so much of myself to the relationship? I need to belive there will be a good ending to that. Not fairy tale ending. I noe that doesnt exist. Something good, lovely, noble and pure would suffice.

One life to lead, the whole eternity of consequences. Choices. They are not the all and end all. But they do certainly mean something. Got to choose what I wanna do and do it. Life is ticking by. time will soon stand still. and I got to account for what i have been up to...

Sunday, March 06, 2005

The greatest thing u'll ever learn. is to love and be loved

This is my favourite show!!! I am watching it now. It's about one's dream. It's about love.About being practical. It's about the cruelties of this world. The show must go on...
Truth, beauty, desire, Love.

I mean whats there to not like in this show. Theres Nicole Kidman, Evan Mcgregor.. etc etc. I even like the ending! Its such a perfect show.. OKie, I am being biased. But I wanna be a bohemian. To stick to my dreams.

Wats dreams anyway? All that I am, All that I have, I lay them down before you O Lord.
So many thoughts so many dreams. I wanna surrender them to u.

Today has been a good day. I think so. God is good. He always is. I just to know that.
God is good.
All the time.

Friday, March 04, 2005

Dreams...(Dare to do it...)

Today, I decided that I wil do what I have been dreaming of doing. I wanna do a distance learning thing for an Art degree. It will not be cheap. but God help me...

Have I gone a big round? Should I have gone straight to La salle or Nafa from the start? But will not meet the people and circumstances that has made me who I am. Just pray that it will get done.. Plans will only be plans unless God has a hold on it...

Love gold 90 fm.. they are playing good jazz music. I love it.. its now fly me to the moon. I am such a dreamy girl.. *slap* wake up to reality...

Today, they changed the requirements for honours. I can technically do it now if i want.. I shant. will find a job i guess. Been feeling really sickly. Having a sore throat now and a sneezy nose. its been like that for a while. But guess it will be better soon. Need to do my work. But really not inclined towards it,... Discipline...

okie then, will go off . Today has been a good day. Thank you Lord!

Thursday, March 03, 2005

This little light i have.. i wanna let it shine

Watched true courage today, talked about a drug addict that found faith in Christ after a faithful doctor persisted in sharing Christ. I was like wow.. I dunno if i can keep at it. I often feel incapable about sharing my faith.....
Today I had a presentation in school.. about leadership.. We wanted to explain the different types of leadership styles: directive, transactional, trandformational and empowering. For each leadership style, we had a prop that we were going to use. For empowering, we used the bible... When i brought it to school, people were like, wah.. didnt noe u were so devoted.. and then they were like "jestering" and all.. sigh.. I noe that i am suppose to defend my faith or something.. But i really really dunno how to. How and where is the fine line between respecting another's religion and sharing one's faith? I dunno. I need Your help Lord...
Besides that, school was just normal. busy and all. Prof says that it is important to do what u wanna do, be happy with your job. I want to do so too. Know I shouldnt worry too much.

All things will work for my good, though sometimes i can't see how they could..
Troubles that break my heart in 2, sometimes blind me to the truth...

I know that my future is good, God says that. I just need to believe with my heart....

Lowlight.... I think my favourite cat is going to be sent away...:(
Highlight of the day: oh oh.. I got a letter todae! it made my day..

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

Old?? hopefully not..

I think i am getting old. I tire very easily. scary. Cant last a good 15 hours before being tired.. Perhaps i should really exercise..

Today, had a film lecture, talked about Woody Allen. He is a prolific director, able to merge sources from every where.. From philosophy and all. Just got me thinking. Life without God is really hard. It is so hard to construct a meaning then. Comedy becomes gallows laughter, to make life more bearable.. Aint that hard to live? I am thankful that I have found the true joy giver and my life has meaning.

It is a very busy week,but i am really dead beat. Sigh, i need renewed strength. Lord, please grant me friends for me to talk to? Scary that i talk better to non christians better sometimes.. Is there something wrong? okie, for a happy day tom! cheers!