Monday, May 30, 2005

Centre of my life

Let my walk speak loud
And my words be true
Let my life be whole
With my eyes on you
Lord I'm stepping out
From the comfort zone
Letting go of me,
Holding onto You

Freedom comes
When I call You Lord
You are Lord my God

You are the centre of it all,
The universe declares in awe
Your majesty
I surrender all
I make you
The centre of my life
Lord, I respond with all I am
you placed in me the song
Of heavens melody
Your Majesty
I live to sing Your song

I have found Your peace
It replaces any fear
You have done it all
I can trust in you
So I'm stepping out
From the comfort zone
Letting go of me
Holding onto you

This is your song not mine
It is your song that bring healing to this land
This is your song not mine
It is your song that brings feedom
Freedom comes, when I call you Lord
Freedom comes, when I call you Lord
You are Lord, my God
You are the song
You are the majesty
I live to sing your song
Your majesty
I live to sing Your song


When we are wiser
When the world's older
When we have learned
I pray
Someday we may yet live
To live and let live
Life will be fairer
Need will be rarer
And greed will not pay
God speed
This bright millennium
On its way
Let it come

Our fight will be won then
We'll stand in the sun then
That bright afternoon
'Till then
On days when the sun is gone
We'll hang on
If we wish upon the moon

There are some days dark and bitter
Seems we haven't got a prayer
But a prayer for something better
Is the one thing we all share

When we are wiser
When the whole world is older
When we have learned
I pray
Someday we may yet live
To live and let live
One day, someday
Life will be fairer
Need will be rarer
Greed will not pay
God speed
This bright millennium
Let it come
If we wish upon the moon
One day

One day

Sunday, May 29, 2005

The problem with discontentment.

The problem of discontentment is that it causes one to seek to change things. To push for things to be better. To strive.. Hmm. To be selfish. Be everything unlovely. I must admit that I've not been the best the past week. The constant disatisfaction with the way things are, caused me to inflict pain on people that mean lots and even myself.. I am a silly woman. :(

I am wondering if there is such a thing as holy discontentment. God says that we must be content with what we have.. Then where does choice come in? Where does making things better come in? I am sure nobody really noes what i am rambling about.. But God does. And thats all that matter.

Church todae was good I guess. I think that it is bad if one mistakes a vibrant and charismatic speaker as a annointed speaker. I dunno if there is a different. But i am inclined to think that God speaks to different people in different ways and so God uses them in different ways.. Hmm. Well. Today our pastor was a very vibrant personality who preached very slickly.. Ya. short of a better word. But i think that people should not just register that as a good message and leave it as that.. Yup.. God uses people differently. Think that's what I am trying to say.

OKie. I shall try from today to be content with what I have. To offer up my life to God. And to noe and believe from the bottom of my heart that He has plans for me...
I love you Lord.

Saturday, May 28, 2005

Over The Rainbow

Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high
There's a land that I heard of
Once in a lullaby

Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true

Some day I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where troubles melt like lemondrops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me

Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly
Birds fly over the rainbow
Why then, oh why can't I?
Some day I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where troubles melt like lemondrops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me

Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly
Birds fly over the rainbow
Why then, oh why can't I?

If happy little bluebirds fly
Beyond the rainbow
Why, oh why can't I?


Today, I went to my primary school and my ex-home..haha. is there a better way to put this?

I heard from sources that they are finally going to demolish my school. It is a very very small school with 3 classes in each level.. I think they are going to rebuild the school and so today was the last time we got to see the interior of the school before the rebuilding.

I think it was a rather emotional moment. Hmm. though all the memories have somewhat faded.(It's been 10years since graduating from there) there were those simple pleasures that I call my own now. Memories are such precious things. I will be sad if I lose these memories one day. Big Balloon, counting clouds, PE.. etc etc.. Hmm. though I think I remembered my school as being much bigger than I thought so today. Think I've grown quite a bit..

After school,I went to Dairy farm .. Where I stayed for a year or so. I like that place. Heh. It's such a nice surreal place.. Remembered the countless adventures, climbing to the roof and the making of "our very own herbs".. hee, Childhood is indeed a precious thing.

Yup. So i was a bit nostalgic today. I was wondering what I would remember come 10 years from now. Life and its phases.. Hmmm.. Bittersweet it indeed is.:)

Friday, May 27, 2005

Haha. Check out the Hair! Posted by Hello

Thursday, May 26, 2005


Sorry. What does this word mean?Does this mean that everything can and will be alright? Does it justify how you feel?

When how you feel in your heart is not congruent with your mind.
When you noe that your heart is so many things... the well spring of life, out of the heart the mind speaks.. and even the heart is deceitful above other thing...
so.. heart doesnt make it..

Lets look at the mind.
The mind is finite and has bounded rationality.
It is so not dependable as it has no knowledge of things that mean something.
So. Mind is silly too..

Then how? What is the one certain point that doesnt bend? For Decartes.. It is I. I think therefore I am.. Nope. I think that truth is not found in oneself. It is not found in mathematics. Mathematics doesnt show you the truth in the affairs of the heart. Neither does Geometry. So?
.. I've decided that the one thing that lasts. One thing that stays regardless. That one thing is found in my God. I just pray that I will decrease and He will increase.. And this time of growing up will be made easier.

And I thank you Lord
For the trials that come my way
In the way I can grow each day
As I let you lead

And I thank you Lord
For the patience those trials bring
In the process of growing
I can learn to share

But it goes again the way I am
To be my human nature down
And let the spirit Take control of all i do...
For when those trials come
my human nature
Shouts the thing to do...
And God soft prompting...
Can be easily ignored...

I love you Lord.. and in all I do.. I want to honour you...

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

different paths for different people

Today has been another bummy day. Enough of this la. I need to kick myself and get down to doing stuff.. the highlight of today was probably tonight.. Making tiramisu cake.. Went to a dear fren's place and happily ate or rather watch his parents eat dinner and then made tiramisu cake.. After that, looked at his fotos of his travels and his time away. Oh did i mention the good music behind?heh... Was good time spent. Quite fun cos didnt have to drive.. So it felt quite fun. ahaha. dun ask me how they link.. Reminds me of times in NZ..:)

Anyway, I just think that my friend is quite there and I am like here.. haha. hmm. like if my friend is Godiva Chocs bought in Singapore( I heard its really not too expensive in Europe somewhere).. I am probably Maltesers... Yup. I noe that there is a use for maltesers but wow quite cool being Godiva chocs too....:) hmm. I think that it is important to be what u were designed to be.. and i noe that he noes what he is designed to be.. Quite cool.. But what about me??? I have no clue.. But I really should decide and act upon this decision..

Anyway, he just came back from his exchange program and was quite cool. He did lots and lots of travelling.. and that was quite fun... I noe that I would love to do that. Really go see the world. and stuff like that. but but but. yes the BIG but.. what about the people here.. hmm. that will be my ideal escape. haha. do i make sense? hmmm. Oh well. Will see how it goes. :) God is good. i noe that he will see me through..

Hmm. i think i am about half done with special sem. Not sure I've learnt much.. But haaha.. its like this.. I need to be still and know that you are God. so help me God..

Saturday, May 21, 2005

2 movies in 14 hours

Yup you read it right...

I watched star wars at like 1030am and kingdom of heaven at 1210am the next day... Quite cool and fun..

Today was my significant other's off day so we had to do what the rest of the world are doing.. Watch star wars:) Heh. I must confess that i truly enjoyed it.. not sure that I wanna watch it another time but I have to .. with another of my friends.. I promised already..
After the movie.. It was a great deal of bumming.. but thats really wad we do.. oh well. Fun in its own special day...

Anyway, I went to church at night and after that went out with a special fren.. Well, not special in the *wink wink* way.. but fren will noe what I mean.. In fren's eyes I am a goody 2 shoes... Am i really one??? hahaha. Not sure if thats a compliment but thats alright. We walked from one cinema to another and finally decided to watch Kingdom of heaven.. I watched it before but its Orlando Bloom.. Who could refuse watching ti another time???hahhaa..:) Fren didnt really enjoyed it but throwing popcorn was fun, laughing at nothingness was too.. Hmm. I like it when there are simple pleasures to enjoy.. :) Thank you Lord for good frens. Hmm. if fren is friends with a goody 2 shoes.. doesnt that make fren a goody 2 shoes too??? hahahhaaha

Nothing too serious in this post.. Today's been a happy day and I thank you Lord for it!
Oh, I wanna take part in an art competition. hope i have the discipline and inspiration for that!:)
Nite world.. see you in 4 hours!

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Aladdin and more.

A rather monotonous week has passed.. Is it wrong to just do nothing? I thought that the time spent bumming was rather therapeutic.. but perhaps a little too much.. But no worries. I gotta start settling and being focused with my class. Thank God.. I got my module! Yippy. God is good. Thank you Jesus.. I've not been too good with going for lectures though.. It's really quite boring. Been there done that already! Eeky. Protein, protein synthesis etc etc.... Oh well.. Life is such..:) I better start being a more diligent student.

Been really PMSy.. Moody for no apparent reason. heh. the perils of being a girl. wad to do? Life is such.. Oh well. must have a better grip of myself.. wad to do? Will chocolates help? M &Ms doesn't.. perhaps a more expensive sort would..

I;ve got a few scattered thoughts.. Yup. again. So hard to process all my thoughts. Too ill to do that. I caught a cold this afternoon. My nose is running so badly! Think I should try to catch some sleep..

Wanna be a all or nothing person. Thinking of full time.. I noe that it is a blessing to be doing it for the lord. But I am so terrified of bureaucracy in church.. I mean.. Gee.. this is God's work.. Hmmm.. I dunno. Lord you noe what is best for me. I noe that will shine. SO many conflicting thoughts at all time. I wanna be a successful ____ . I wanna be a super mum (yes. I even thought of that), I wanna be a pretty ______. I wanna please the Lord. Do not conform to the ways of this world.. This is 2 fold. What people tell you in the name of advice.. and also the really bad stuff. Sometimes people tell you stuff thinking its for your own good but really.. Its not the case. Retrospectively, u noe that they were merely saying what they thought to be the best for you.. but .. Only God noes that..

So.. what should I do? I need to be transformed by the renewing of my mind... which comes from God. Only you will give me a fresh perspective of things.. I pray you'll help me to not be "seduced by earthly pleasures"... gosh. I need the faith of a simple child.

Today we talked about being a matured christian that comes from trials.. James 1. Trials are good and they are needed for growth. God places them there to teach us. So a temptation is brought about my the evil one and a trial by God.. So how do you differentiate it? Does it even matter? I guess what's the important thing is to be made matured by it.. Trials are not to break us but to bend us towards God....

Lord I need a fresh touch of your Holy Spirit. I wanna be in your ever rich presence.. Cos here in your courts is where I belong.. Continue to keep me in you!

Aladdin. I just watched the cartoon. So sweet. The promises and potential and the ability to make everything perfect.. Because reality is hard. there was one part where Jasmine and Aladdin simultaneously said that they were feeling trapped.. And they both wished that they were in different places... grass greener on the other side.. I think that its human nature to desire something more.. Cos God has set eternity in our hearts. yup yup.

Thoughts. The ability to shape the kind of person that we become. I need to learn to be a critical thinker. Doing a Reason and Persuasion class now and honestly, its kinda tough!

Okie nite world. I am going to sleep.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

shopping!!!! in the blur... Posted by Hello

yummy food! Posted by Hello

shopping!!! Posted by Hello

at the Airport Posted by Hello

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

bangkok and more...

Yeah! back from the shopping.. And i mean shopping. Cant believe the amount of sweat that went into that... :) We left on Friday night and on Saturday morning we woke up early and went to Chatuchat ( is this how u spell it???) .. We walked for like 7 hours and honestly was unable to walk anymore.. I was going around looking for a chair to sit while my friends tried on more pretty clothes... After chatuchat. We went back to the hotel to rest and in the evening, we went to the night market!! well we ate dinner first though.,..Yet another round of walking non stop for 3 hours plus!

Sunday: we woke up relatively early and went to the floating market. If you ask me, the market was not floating at all! There were boats where people were selling their goodies but we were could walk around floating platforms.. We ate huge prawns and some satay.... took a few pictures and then wala.. its time to go SHOPPING again.. this time it was MBK to conquer...

This is like a huge shopping center.. Really big. things were not as cheap as the those in Chatuchat so even though we didn't buy half as much, We spent lots of money too... We walked till it was sheer will power that carried us on.. But that was alright. It was rather fun.. we went back to the hotel to rest again so that we would be fresh, up and about for our next activity.. yup, thats right. Shopping:)

So this time round we went to a rather Thai hangout so people there could not really speak English. It was rather funny.. using hand gestures and slowing down my speech in hope that they would catch wad I was going on about. but oh well.. it was not meant to be.. We walked around and bought more frivolous stuff. haha. Quite fun when one has cash and can spend it freely....

After the night market we had to go the the flower market. This happens when you are with a bunch of girls. and girls are generally suckers for flowers.. Well us at least! :) We went to this place at like 11 plus because they are not opened in the day... But it was rewarding! This was like a wholesale market and we saw bunches and bunches of freshly cut flowers that were for sale.. They were quite a pretty sight. :) I'm happy. After that, we spotted another night market and went there for our last minute shopping.. Trying desperately hard to finish our Baht.. haha.

This is our holiday in summary I guess. Yup. We did a lot of a lot of shopping.. The process of shopping in a humid climate is quite a funny thing. Firstly, one is often hot and bothered so that can somewhat dampen the spirit. Other than that... one is often perspiring and so it is really not a very pretty sight trying out clothes:) But.. when one finally finds that perfect piece that suits perfectly and is of the perfect price.. It makes shopping all the more worthwhile and suddenly everything seems worth it...

Okie, enough rambling about my trip.. I now need to worry about sch matters. Worry i guess is a wrong word. Think about sch stuff. I am in short of a module/class and I need that to graduate.. I am apparently quite late in the appeal process so the guy was rather crossed with me.. Sigh. I hope that damsel in distress look worked for him.. if not.. oops. I am in trouble. But I shall not worry. Cos God is good. Somehow somewhere something good will happen.. Yup. I need to be the optimist again!!! :) Okie going for lunch now and then off to class-physics in life sciences....

Friday, May 06, 2005

Dinner with someone special. hmm i look fat! Posted by Hello

My birthday cake! thanks to chi sern Posted by Hello

My birthday gathering Posted by Hello

Monday, May 02, 2005

A good weekend

I have a love hate relationship at this time of the year.. Yeah. I think that as one gets older. this relationship gets more intense.. or perhaps I will develop adult cynicism and be cool about it.... hopefully not though.

I thank my creator for creating me. For his grace that sustained me through this whole year. I think that I have had the most amazing year.. yups. For all the joy, pain, laughter, tears... cheers to u all... Happy that I am done with school. At least for a while.. Its good to be a critical distance away from familiarity such that one truly appreciates things around.. But I thank the people in my life.. all my beloved loved ones. I am sure they noe who they are.

Haha, I need to record this down. :) I got my first bouquet of flowers from my significant other. Not that others are not significant.. but u get the drift. It was quite a surprise.. and people who noe me noe that I am rather good and smelling surprises.. but I was pleasantly surprise.. so thats really :) a good thought.

okie maybe hate is too strong a word. hmm. but when I think birthdays. I think gee, I am one year older. I need to grow up. I need to be responsible. So how can I improve. So what needs to be done this year??? and especially at this juncture in life, it is so not easy. But i am learning to trust. Have faith in the infallible. Not easy but God is good....

Yups, so what is the deal with bdaes anyway. A day for friends to show that they love u? I love my friends too. I hope they noe it. Sometimes I struggle with showing them the good sisterly pure love that I really have for them and the line that it is not appropriate. haha. I just watched Lost in Translation and I do like it.. Hmm. I think that God gave me an emotional heart. I always wondered if I was "weird" cos I think. yup. My significant other doesnt. He is blessed I think. He knows his position and place in society and he is truly contented. except when I am in my paranoid moods and when I think.... haha. i think i am not too good for him. yups. so as I was saying.. there must be a reason why I am the way i am. I dunno why.. but I just believe with all that I can that there is a reason.... I love you, whoever is reading this. because only the people who mean something to me noe about this... :) Thank you for being a blessing to me. I appreciate it....

Yups, just did my last paper on saturday. It was a hard paper. But i am glad that it is over. yups. haha. I suddenly wanna work in an ice cream parlour. Till such a time when i noe what I wanna do? hmm. yups. dunno la. see how that goes. I wanna travel. hmm. I feel so confined sometimes. Maybe today is such a day. Confined firstly by the physical boundaries of Sinapore.. and also all the mental ones. I feel that by being at home. It is soooo hard to break away from expectations. ya..n whether people like it or not. they still put their expectations on me. through no fault of theirs.. I just feel bad whenever I disappoint. God help me to noe that only you I am suppose to please...

Talking about expectations. I think that I have the most brilliant brother ever.. yups. he sure is.. on one hand.. I am sooooo proud of him but on the other.. sometimes its hard. To walk in that shadow and the big big shoes.. hmm. but i am not going to be indulgent with pity. it is not sweet. I need to think sweet thoughts. I am going to be glad that God made us different. yups. haha. the more he gives. the more he expects.. I thank you for all that you have done and all you are going to do.

okie. getting some beauty sleep now. Its been the best weekend of this year i am sure of. Happy birthday to me!:)