Thursday, September 29, 2005

Life.. and the lack of it

Much has happened in the last few days. No chronological order. Will just write what comes to mind. Do bear with me.

1) Accident-hit and run. I witnessed a hit and run two days ago... Hmm, was in the bus on my way to work... Bus was going reallly slowly and after a while, hey.. there was a cop, and a crowd of onlookers... Hmm, always complain about how I have never see an accident before. But now that I have.. hahhaa. dun make stupid comments girl...:P Anyhow, there was a man on the road and he was lifeless. You would think that it is a very sorry, sad sight. But really, it felt cold, matter of fact and nothing too "sensational"... Hmmm. what is in a human life. Do you need to have a stake in that life before you actually feel for the person? Need to be more christ like. To love even people that don't mean too much.... oh well. Another thought that came out of this... hmmm, the guy probably didnt know that it was his last day. What if today was my last day... would i leave the world with any regrets?... I choose to think not. That I have loved with all that I have.. Hmm, God will you be pleased with this servant of yours today?....

2) Emotional state... So I am busy. hahaha, understatement. Been having dance rehearsal... Well it sounds exciting right?.. wrong.. when you have 2 left feet and you feel so self awkward. haha. But it is a personal challenge.. I wanna be able to make it.. At least play the part more convincingly.. Hmm. thats really hard I telll you.. Hmm. Besides that, tuition. I think I am more stress about PSLE than all the kids i teach. Was just telling my colleagues about how I always take the "right" path in life.. Hmm, there is room for error.. PSLE should not mean the world.. I need to know that deep inside. Got my paycheck again. Haha, it is such a bitter sweet thing. Yeah. I am earning my own money. But with all these responsibilities (I am but a 22 yr ago thing)... I feel so stress. when will I finish paying for all these?... When will I be free from financial issues. Yet I know trust is all I need. To know in my heart that my God will provide... Yes. Something that is so real!Hmmm, so many uncertainties. Said bye to my colleague today. He was travelling back to South Africa. How cool is that??? Anyway, I hate goodbyes. Maybe thats why heaven is good.. Cos there will not be farewells.... hmmm... But I wish him well. He is a good man. hahahaha.:)

3) listening to my comfort music now.. considering that my comfort tv(the OC) has finished its run. Oh well, today, bryan, the coordinator for the event was telling me to live this life.. Cos I only have one.. What is abundant life? How do one have that? Pray that I will know... Cos I am working in an organization that has a vision: To live life in all its fullness....:) Yup yup.
Realise that I have not mentioned my weekend. Hahaha, I know, its approaching the next one.. But I am thankful for friends.. Thank you for a good weekend. My favourite activity is more silly than yours. Enjoyed your presence in the office:) hahahhaa. more cheapo than yours!:) Ok, have a good time at Phuket if you read this.

Ok world, I am going to sleep now. Praying for the heartache to somehow vanish.. Processes are not always my favourite cup of tea. oh well.. God has plans for me. I WILL BELIEVE IT....:)

Muacks.

Monday, September 26, 2005

To the sweetest man in the whole wide world...

Contemplating if this material is good for public viewing. But hey, as a blog that wants to show the power of God, it is good to post blessings, trials, circumstances and all.. Yup yup.

To the sweetest man in the whole world.
I want to make you smile, whenever you are sad...
But that is kinda hard when I am the cause of your sadness...
I wanna run to you and say that all is fine. pretty and good.
But I have to be true to how I feel, what I want, and look LT and not just for the here and now...
I wanna hug you, say i am deeply sorry for causing you pain.. But yet i am indifferent, I am not sorry.. Just tired...
I wanna a solution that is easy, obvious and fuss free.
But that is not happening.
I am sorry for being difficult. for causing you pain. for making you sad.
May God watch over you.. Really.
I love you.
ps: think that is enough???

Another Long week ahead.. May God love and strengthen you.

Cheers world... We serve a God that is not slow in keeping to his promises..

Friday, September 23, 2005

Friday morning in the office

Choices.
Live changing that has many many repurcussions.... No turning back no turning back...

Yesterday evening was quite exciting. More because it is a break in routine. Instead of tutoring my little six year old kid. Went down to town and tried on my dress for my competition. I look like a princess! hee. After which, had dinner with colleagues/friends...:)

Dinner was nice. Though the food was crap and I was in Funan. (You would think that how can I write that it was nice right?) hahaha. had good conversations. Hmm. It's interesting how diverse conversation topics can be.. How can people be bored talking? I don't understand. Few days ago, had lunch with my other colleagues and they were basically interrogating me on my personal life.. do you have a bf, how long have you been going out, wads he like etc.. haha. yesterday's conversation was more "learned".. so what do you think Lee Hsien Loong, singapore as the gay community, the school systems etc etc.. Time and Place for every kind of talk i guess...

Hmm, anyway, the point of this entry was to write something that i thought i would wanna remember. You know how in tv/movies you watch people go on about how "perfect" their partner is.. well. I had that real life yesterday. One of my colleagues who was recently married was sharing little pearls of wisdom. It's really sweet to hear what he said. can't remember the exact phrasing. but i rem the gist of it.. "deep respect and appreciation, enjoy each other's company,be good friends" hee. Nice. awwww.. is the word. ahahaha

Yup. one more thought. I wanna be friendly to everybody. But i don't like it when I get funny stares. hmm. blessings and curses somethings are. hee, talking about some people along the corridor of where i work,... I find it terribly funny to "ignore" somebody you meet everyday. So i guess I like to say hi, break the ice. which is all nice until....hmm.:)

Last ramble and I will go down for devotions... Lunch with boss and colleague was nice. I shan't be too quick to talk anymore. there is much wisdom in listenting to what others say.

Okie time to feed the soul. It is thirsty once more.. hmm. need to learn the meaning of true surrender...so does that mean that no more thoughts on "what I want"? persplexed me...

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

I will be here

.........
If in the dark, we lose sight of love
Hold my hand, and have no fear
'Cause I... I will be here

A song of old, one with significance...
I wanna believe it with every inch of my heart...
To feel its warmth and to feel special all over again.

Busy girl..Meeting so many people. Spreading self so thin...
Hmm. need to recollect.. to just bum. hee. a bummer at heart....

To do everything in Love.. even if it costs much..
Much is expected from one who is loved much...

"Lord, pray you will increase in me the depth of love I need to have to those around me..."

Silently seeking and hoping.....

Sunday, September 18, 2005

Happy Mooncake Festival

Today was a good day! hahaa. I went for the tree top walk at Macritchie.. SOOOO fun. hahahaha. Well. hmm. not that much fun. But I need to say that it is because my knight sacrificed and did the walk with me though he melts in temperatures above 27 degrees.. But he was nice about it.. so that was cool:)

Hmmm, other than that.. Today is the mid autumm festival. I really really like this festival because of pleasant memories.. One of my happiest times was eating mooncake and playing with lanterns and candles throughout the whole night. That was really nice.. being happy kids who are just happy!:) yup.. Sad that kids nowadays do not appreciate this festival.. A time to for family to bond, grow together and all.. Yup. so in the name of tradition, I am going to Chinese Gardens to play with lanterns after work tomorrow, haaha. that sounds a little funny. but I am excited about it..

yup yup. Slightly more hopeful about my important commitment/responsibility.. Hmm. the tenacity to see it through. that God will increase, and I .. the selfish one.. will decrease..

I am a work in progress. please be patient with me....

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Beauty

Today, had a performance.. Must say that it was much better than i expected. Yup, after that, had an interview with IS (its a magazine)... The topic was on beauty.. Interesting. I figure that I am much better speaking than looking pretty. Yup yup, the latter is quite foreign to me...

Hmm. Nothing really much, I have a souvenir of this thing. I can quit now. hahaha:) yups, it is so tiring la.. A whole day at work, then after that to this...hmm.. work.

I am getting little swamped. tom shall be an organized day.. My computer at work keeps conking out. Because of that, it is really hard to get some work done. Oh well... WOrk perils.. My latest concern is the big money question. I need to belive that God will supply all my needs..(yes yes not wants...) Hmm, after giving money to parents, school loan and insurance.. I will be living on a student allowance.. Ouch. Yup yup, must learn to be an independent chick... :)

Oh well, more yadda yadda.. but its 128 am and I need to work tom.. So going to sign off now.. Good night world....My God shall supply all my needs...:)

Random thoughts...
"Somewhere over the rainbow.....
( where troubles melt like lemon drops.. )

"Fly me to the moon..
(in other words, please be true,, in other words, I love you.

Sunday, September 11, 2005

....sleepy thoughts.....

When words do not express how I feel,
When I rather stay silent then share my thoughts,
Is that wrong, it that bad?
The inner conflict, the weary sigh
Peace rooted, Joy everlasting.

Security from up above,
tangible yet hard to grasp
One's value determined by the measure of faith,

.... I need to think, rest, pray and meditate on God's work...

Friday, September 09, 2005

Exhaustion..

Hmm, I am tired. Though it is office hours and I have like lots of things to do (like order stationery, prepare travel authorisation forms, digest HR policies, understand the way different polices work, look for something to do with international staff).. I am tired.

Hahaha, bad bad employee. But hey it is Friday, people take it slightly easier on friday right? I miss my computer, with computer can be on skype... msn etc.. Using somebody else's computer.. Hmm, I sneakily downloaded skype. but there are no contacts on it.. Miss talking to my work buddy..=p

Anyhow some thoughts.

i understand why a day of rest in impt in the bible.. time to reflect on the week and God's blessing,. I wanna have a rest day too. But its been too busy. Tomorrow, there is going to be thing that I signed up for (disclaimer: I signed up for it not knowing the itensity of commitment.. And now.. I cant get out of it..:( )

Hmm. this thing i signed up for.. Hhaha, for people who don't know what this is.. Are you curious yet??:) Anyhow, I cant decide how I feel towards it. There are the conservative people who would say that " if you feel funny about it.. it is probably the wrong thing to do"... and then you have the liberal people who say " go for it, you are only young once".. Oh well.. i guess that I learnt that there is a fallen world out there. and what am i going to do about it???

Thinking about bible verses that talk about belonging to one another. Hmm. How do people belong to one another? I know there is the superficial.. But I know that God means more than that.. But how do people belong to each other? Any thoughts anyone? I don't get it... hmm. Yup, belong but not posess.. hmm. Need some light there..

Okie dokie. I will write more.. Happy to have my office bubby back!hee. okie have a good weekend. I hope my turns out good too!

Monday, September 05, 2005

Work....

I've been so busy. SOOOOOOOO busy. I keep going: Ahh, I want to write this on my blog but when I get home, I just fall asleep... sigh..:(

Anyway, here goes before I drift to sleep..
Today I was busy preparing for the conference tomorrow.. SO much to do, the next time I get one of these packs, I would appreciate the amount of work that goes into it.

Yup, but strangely enough, I felt rather happy doing it.. Helps when I have somebody to talk to once in a while via skype =p Anyway, part of the conference that I am doing is to do with the myer Briggs.. I am a INFP based on it. i think that it describes me quite well hhahaha...

"You focus deeply on your values and devote your life to chasing ideals... you often draw people together around a common purpose and work to find a place for each person within the group. You're creative and seek new ideas and possibilities. You quietly push for what's important to you, and rarely give up. You might be somewhat gentle or have a good sense of humor, you could be hard to get to know and overlooked by others...you like to make the world more in line with your vision of perfection."

The above is from a free site.. But yup, that sounds like me!:)
Anyway, I had a good weekend. Went out with Chisern for dinner, had Spanish food. I love to try exotic food. Hee, but I decide that I don't really like Spanish. A bit too oily for my liking.. After dinner, we walked around when I saw a pub showing RUGBY!It was the tri nation finals.. Rugby reminds me of good times. Rugby is so much more entertaining than soccer!!!...hee. I was so so so happy! We sat there and to keep my spot there, I had to order chocolate moouse cake. Hee, among the many caucasians, we were like the only chinese...:) hee, till another couple came along.. Anyway, beside the good food and the fun time, I really enjoy going out with Chisern, hahaha, i have relegated him to a genderless friend.. such that I can be myself without worrying about much,Yup, thats the deal. Hee.

On Sunday went to church, talked about hving the right attitude towards what we are tasked to do, regardless of how big the task is. Yup. I wanna have a good attitude towards my work. After church, had lunch and taught tuition to my beloved tuition kid.I do want the best for her.. haha, and it hink that sometimes it means being strict. But I really dun like to play the disciplinary role.. Girl. Another one more month! You can do it.
After that, went comex to find my darling, he had a budget of 2000 to buy all that he wanted to do but he blew it...This happens when you buy a 32' flat screen tv... Yup...
After that I went for dinner with my family. Gave them a treat. It is a blessing to be able to treat people, but also ouch.. I am going to have to eat bread for the rest of the month??? hee. But I cannot complain. Thank God for good family and friends....

Yup, also, I must say that I have an understanding darling. Need to count my blessings and name them one by one. Yup yup. Peirong, cannot be so stuck in your ways k?..:) Okie then, have a good day world.. God bless!:)