Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Hello from Papua New Guinea.

So many learnings, experiences and thoughts to process and articulate. While fighting against the race of time, I am truly thankful for the opportunities availed to me and also for the people in my life who show me that God is good and His mercies endures forever.

Arrived today and was actually quite excited about everything. I like PNG more than Bangkok, haha, I think that there a lot less people here in PNG making it less crazy… I have not put up pictures of png… Hmmm, but in words, think hills, waters, blue skies. It does look like paradise and people are really nice. Well for the most part at least. I am staying in the same place that I did the last time and it was really nice and personable saying hi to all the hotel staff. Office staff were quite nice too. Had fun talking to them. But after a while I got really sleepy. I thank God that I slept quite a bit on the plane and sat beside some rich Singaporean who has many investments in PNG. Haha, I was initially apprehensive about sitting beside him cos he kept giving me the stare… Oh well, thankfully, it turned out alright.

So, I came back to the hotel to sleep in the afternoon. Wanted to take one day to chill and then I will slowly push up the gears again. The senior management in the office are not around and so, this week will not be toooooo stressful which is good. I need a little break. I realized that I did miss it here while away. Not quite sure if it is the sweet camaraderie that I share with the staff here, the paradise like place or the fact that I feel free, knowing that my main task is do my job well.

The past few months have been quite crazy in all sense of the word. My family is experiencing individual challenges and also the collective challenge of moving home. Everyone has a role at home. Mine is being the happy toy. While I have no issues with this role for the most part, tt can get very trying and frustrating at times, like it or not. God has called me to this family that I love. At work, I feel stretched beyond measure. Yes, I am highly thankful for the opportunities and am in fact quite humbled by it. But its immense volume and the depth of human relations do get to me too. I thank God that there was a positive heads up with my bosses… had a significant raise lately.

Was talking to a good friend and he said that I cannot let myself slip despite my work and all. Was thinking about it… people lose themselves in many different ways; Dogmatism, hedonism and workaholicism are just some of the more common ones. Some decide that they will no longer exercise choices and preferences but would instead follow rules and regulations blindly, some give up on these rules and do as they wish, doing whatever pleases them. The last group mentioned decides that the only “good” thing that they can do that makes any sense is their work and so they give of themselves totally to their work.

I have been recently more guilty of working my life away. World Vision (or any other organization) would encroach in your whole entire life if you allow it too. I think that I have allowed it too. It is in my personality that I like blurry lines in my life. It reinforces the want to be just me and not have different facets of me depending on the situation that I am in. Anyway, I think that I may have reached a point where I actually have to draw a boundary. (BOO) I have in the past months walked into more doors and walls that I normally walk into (literally) due to fatigue and I have also lost my atm card as well as my drivers’ license. L Oh, and I have put on significant amount of weight on my tummy that I will endeavor to shed while in PNG. (Good luck to me though, dinner tonight was a big pizza all to myself. Hmmm) So, obviously, this busy-ness is not very sustainable…

Yup, life is not easy. Though I may be making it a little harder than it should be. But I have grown to accept the fact that God has made me with all my complications, contradictions and weaknesses and has said that this is good. (Strange) Someone in Bangkok said I was ambitious earlier last month and I was quite taken aback. Ambitious has never been something I would use to describe myself. Hmm, funny. In fact, I have increasingly been feeling that I will be happy to give up everything for some random man that has swept me of my feet such that I can happily stay at home and take care of my 4 children. (instant children? Faster…) J Sweet abandonment. Haha, Oh well. Wishful thinking I know considering that at this point in time. I am at peace with the world and so, by default; I know that this is where I should be at this point in time. No random man but rather random work popping up at different points!

Ok then, getting late and I should really sleep soon. Take care of yourself and thank you for your time for those I managed to catch up very briefly with. This year has turned out quite different from what I thought it would be like. Honestly, I had no high expectations of this year and it has exceeded expectations. May God continue to use this vessel who seeks with all her heart to make Him happy.

He makes all things beautiful in His time.