Today is a matter of cleaning up my work. Where does one start? My table still looks like I will be here forever. Chocolates, money, tons of papers etc. Haha, messy girl I am… So before the close of business today, I will need to somehow pack this mess, work through and finalize the policies, sit through meetings on goodness know what and then sit through my own farewell. Haha, it all feels very surreal.
So, I have been thinking that life is a process. I am from the microwave instant generation that wants everything NOW!!! J This rarely really happens. Everything takes time to happen… One needs to prepare for it. Even if Jesus comes like a thief in the night, the result of his visit is the result of processes of preparation. Of time spent to be like Jesus…
Foundations are important. I spent a lot of time here building up on foundations. Reviewing forms, explaining processes and just making sure that things work. It has been quite a treat to see it come together. Often the process is a lot more treacherous that the result… But processes needs to be enjoyed and celebrated as well.. Life is one process of becoming like Jesus…
During my time here, I spent time in Vanuatu (Port Vila), the Solomon Islands (Honiara) and Papua New Guinea (both in Madang and Port Moresby). These are all names of places for an outsider but with each carry a different memory that is precious to me. I have decided that traveling for work is very different from traveling for leisure. My mind has been constantly on the job and how I keep running against the flow of time… Haha, but I am not complaining for these opportunities…. During time off, what I do is the normal stuff like watching tv, eating good food with good people all just catching up by myself, time to just do my own stuff.
So, it is time to go home. I had a few of those home sick pangs where I listen to Michael Buble “Home” .. “I know I am lucky, but I want to go home….”. I have spent a large part of the past 6 months living in hotel rooms. Sounds fun you say but there is no soul in hotel rooms. It is all a clone of each other meant for the wandering traveler. Sure you can be friends with the hotel stuff which I am… “Good morning Ms Lin”… but I know better than to build a bond that stretches further than an acquaintance. Having said that, life as an anonymous person has been fun. That is probably the biggest joy and challenge in living overseas. You are not accountable to anyone which means no one to ensure that you walk on the straight and narrow… Being away takes away all the societal norms that we conform just because… there are no real reasons other than it is socially right to do so… With that aside, what remains is between you and God. What would you do when nobody is watching and you can do absolutely what you want…This is where is gets scary. Every decision that is made is a conscious one. It cannot be blamed on the society or on someone else who does it. Greater responsibility is needed and greater grace is sought. I will forever be a failed human trying my best to just be God’s daughter.
I was telling my colleague/friend that PNG has been a letting Go and letting God experience in that I didn’t strive to have it. It just happened. There was no scheming and manipulation for it to happen. To a certain extent, I was just happy to be available for the need that is there. I have learnt again and again that God’s way is the best way. It is the quiet way that happens if I allow it too…
I will miss it here with all the intensity that it was presented with. God is good and He loves us in his surprising strange ways…
Teach me to always be in the refuge of your wings
To not be in fear or in doubt
To know that you are a God of peace
A God that loves A God of Joy
Pain and suffering will come and go
Time will slowly ebb away
But your gracious ways will always be shown,
Through laughter, tears joys and fear.