Friday, December 28, 2007

hello from Deutschland

:) it's been a while. Hello to all. for those who don't already know.. I am in the land of the castles for 1 month.. Been here for a week and a half already. And yes, I saw the famous castle in question... frog was very sweet. we stayed in a place that overlooked the castle. so for every meal and the view outside of the window.. that's the castle... ;) I even went for an outside bath that overlooks the castle... Noppe, no castle fatigue.. i miss the castle already...

Other than that. I hv had a nice white christmas.. It was snowing and it is all cold.. I was fine for the most time but today, I m a bit down with a cold.. Hopefully Febs will do the trick.. Oh, I went sleighing.. Frog thinks we are fine without even explaining the basics to me and we went up the ski lift and he was like ok, we start here... errr. it was crazy. it was super steep and the 2 of us just makes the sleigh move much faster.. I was crying for it to stop after a while.. I m sure my sister would have enjoyed it... but i am not half the daredevil she is....

Nthg too exciting this week but I will be heading to Paris next week i hope. I really want to go to the Lourve.. and see the eiffel. But I dont reckon I want to go up there... Oh well, let's see.

Life can be strange if you allow it. I think life is life despite being in different continents and Jesus is stil the answer for every problem.

Thank you for agreeing to be in this fallen world.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Separation... leaving on the jet plane...

Yesterday was the last day of work for this year.. Also the last day of the Tsunami office. :( I sincerely dislike separation. It makes me cry...

On a brighter note, I am really grateful to God for bringing people into my life. One of the senior staff in the Tsunami office grew to be someone I sincerely loved and respected and wanted to learn from. I bounce my young, idealistic but untested ideas at him and with his fatherly wisdom, he allowed me to grow and figure it out. Thank you God. I know that I will not forget the times we had.

Am going to the land of the castles tomorrow for 1 month. Desperately trying to clear my stuff so that I can leave in peace tomorrow. (still in the office now) Despite the obvious reason of me goin, I have left Europe as the last frontier for exploration. For the time when I need to see wonders and be fascinated again. To be inspired. To be amazed at talented artisans. To visit Beethoven Haus, art museums, castles, rivers, Christmas markets.. :) I thank God for the chance to go at this time...

Hope. The reason for the season. Last year, the main christmas gift I felt from God was about Grace... Grace to accept the imperfect, to not be overtly angry and sad with the world and with myself when we fail. This year, I hear the message of redemption. We are not just failed and crap... there is a redeeming power that allows us to be beautiful and have a purpose. The world is not all about despair, there is a sparkling reason to not stop trying despite its difficulties and failings.

Working this year has exposed me to the most hopeless situations. When there seems to be no way out and people do what they need to get what they want. With frog, i see that hopeless is not that hopeless when God is in it n when we continue faithful. I need to believe and trust it in my heart that the battle belongs to the Lord. We are already victorious, our role is to continue to fight this fight. To not give up but to continue trying...



Today I had a heated exchange with my sister. I don't normally lose my cool but I did. We talked abt church responsibilities. I think I lost it becos it is something very dear to me. God knows how much I want my life to be an offering to him. More than anything else in this world.

Anyway, Church. I think I disappointed many people. Of that I am sorry.. But I think also that my not wanting to disappoint people cannot be bigger than my want to be in God. There came a time when I really cannot keep up to it and it scares me. Call it whatever you wish, spiritual warfare, being irresponsible, leaving the straight and narrow... I cannot care. (You know I do but I can't.. because I can't live up to it)

I think I can talk about it now. Responsibilities in life cannot be draining, cannot be done out of the "goodness of our heart- charity". It needs to be done in JOY. (for the most times at least) I felt that way about things. I forgot why I did them and it made me sad. There was a finality in life that made life unbearable. I am not advocating a life of hedonism.. haha, that will be an alternative I am sure... I think that everyone needs to figure it out. But for me, I finally understood the verse in Romans (12:3), I remember being really baffled by it. (Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you)

Some of my thinkings with this.
1) Doing "God's work" be it in church and work does not make me a holier/better person. I almost want to say that it doesn't make God any happier just because you serve in church instead of warm the seat of His house, work in a Christian organization instead of working as an investment banker.

2) I am who I am not because of what I do. How I think of myself cannot be pegged with the horrible/amazing, mean/kind, selfish/altruistic works i do. This will make me very bitter if someone doesn't do the same, feel superior to them or feel important. The measure of faith - Faith to believe that God made me beautiful. Faith to do the works he would have me do not as a show for others, as a penance for my sins but rather as an expression of my faith/belief in him.

3) Faith is given to me. I cannot fake it. God decides how much faith he would bless me with. I am always a bit sad and scared when I read in the bible stuff like "God hardened his heart so His will will be shown"....But this is as it is. My role is really not to save the world, make the worship team sound better, play with the kids so that they become better kids. Yes there is free will. But there is also the fact that we have roles, callings that only when we fulfill them will we be happy. My role is to be do that which God has placed in my heart. Until I do that, the work I do will only be for the world.

Haha, I hope I make sense. I guess what I want to say is that I am done with telling myself that God would have me do this, that and everything else when I am really doing it is because I need to feel useful and have a purpose in this world. God made me me, I will not find my fulfillment in being busy in his work, but only in fulfilling my role.

Ouch, hard truths but this is where I was at. Right? Wrong? who knows... I am still finding God and struggle each day with what it means to be His child..


Happy Christmas and Happy Birthday Jesus. See you in a month's time. With love and kindest wishes.
:)

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Redemption

The redemption of God to be whole again, to know that it is all good in His time...

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

All I want for Christmas



Another more timely and less bimbotic way to say... World Peace...but i do wish for those things that he sings for... Though i know it is easier said than done... Hmmm. oh well. like the song nevertheless. Boo!

Still struggling with the paper... you can see with the number of posts... My brain is not working fast enough!:)

Redemption

This paper is hard because I am trying desperately hard to believe that Values do make a difference and its not all about the politics. I always believe that Christianity is the best way of life not becos we have to but also because it is the best social order and the best way to live..

Values is the core of us. It makes us who we are and why we do what we do. Please I need to see that it is not only the right thing to do in God's standard but also to be able to write a paper to say that it is the best thing to do...

Where reality and theory meets...

Bleah. rants while rushing the paper... :(

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

walking on the fine line...

Holiness is the balance between my nature and the law of God as expressed in Jesus Christ.

:( I am bored at work

You Should Be an Artist

You are incredibly creative, spontaneous, and unique.
No one can guess what you're going to do next, but it's usually something amazing.
You can't deal with routine, rules, or structure. You're easily bored.
As long as you are able to innovate and break the rules, you are extremely successful.

You do best when you:

- Can work by yourself
- Can express your personality in your work

You would also be a good journalist or actor.