Sunday, February 24, 2008

I am bored on a sunday night.

They say a picture speaks a thousand words. I think they have been many more words than pictures in this blog. I wanted to watch CSI.. but no more AXN in the room :(So sad, So i thought i would do something constructive and photo-journal my life since I moved on and "flew solo".. haha, this is all part of my therapy, to remind myself that my life did not end and that I indeed did many things, good bad and ugly. The friend in question is getting married and yes, i am flying back all this miles for it... haha, i think one day when i am calm, i know that i would have wanted to be there. So I m going. Hey, he was not just this bf.. he was the special friend, the semblance of an anchor for the past 8 yrs of my life. haha. And yes, I will need to let this anchor go and continue to walk this journey.. Life has been a treat i must confess, (my sister might beg to differ and say i cry all the time) but hey, if that's wat it takes.. will do it... :)Today, i went to the small group in Laos and remembered that God does not try us with more than we can bear. I thank God for knowing us through and through and for being the Lord of it all :) *cheers groom and bride,have fun preparing and I will think what I shd wear! haha, see u folks soon*... enjoy the photos.

(the trip to Krabi... The t-shirt says it all...)

(Work colleagues in PNG)

(First wedding of people I actually love and care about ;)... haha.)

(China with the family.. they r my life, people i learn to appreciate more and more)

(Cheating Death - Sunrise in a settlement in Port Moresby....Bad Idea..)

(Colleagues in PNG.. my own farewell)

(Market in PNG.. somewhere)

(My new room...:) )

(meet the frog *wink*)

(People I work with at home...)

(Seafood Christmas dinner with the favorite girls)

(THE castle in the land of the castles.. Magical.)

(My favourite statue in the Lourve)

.... and with this I end. :) May you all have a beautiful week coming up!.. Sabaidee! (Greetings in lao)

Friday, February 22, 2008

Perserverance.... easier said than done.

Perseverance is more than endurance. It is endurance combined with absolute assurance and certainty that what we are looking for is going to happen. Perseverance means more than just hanging on, which may be only exposing our fear of letting go and falling. Perseverance is our supreme effort of refusing to believe that our hero is going to be conquered. Our greatest fear is not that we will be damned, but that somehow Jesus Christ will be defeated. Also, our fear is that the very things our Lord stood for— love, justice, forgiveness, and kindness among men— will not win out in the end and will represent an unattainable goal for us. Then there is the call to spiritual perseverance. A call not to hang on and do nothing, but to work deliberately, knowing with certainty that God will never be defeated.

If our hopes seem to be experiencing disappointment right now, it simply means that they are being purified. Every hope or dream of the human mind will be fulfilled if it is noble and of God. But one of the greatest stresses in life is the stress of waiting for God. He brings fulfillment, "because you have kept My command to persevere . . ." ( Revelation 3:10 ).

..... m reminded of Lord of the rings,. the frustration of the members of the fellowiship... The lost of hope, despair frustration.. all very real. Almost don't remember that the wizard said that when the sun rises, there will be help. Totally entrenched in the difficulties that he is faced.. Haha, i dont remember it too well.. something like that. :)

I need to perservere. Know that God is good despite all. That He will come and save us of our frail humanity...

It's the weekend. want to go check out the buddha park.haha, must be the opposite of checking out churches when in Europe. Hmm, but it does look very nice and I am always touched when i see the piousness of these people. How serious they are with their faith- it is a way of life. Of course not in a i have a personal relationship with buddha.. haha... more like. i am living by these principles. Something sweet in that. Perhaps antithesis to progress and development.

*Make my life a prayer to you. I love you Lord... All I want to do.. is to give this life to you*

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Incompetence, solitude, emotional

Hello, its after work on a regular Tuesday evening... Back in my hotel room and just trying to calm down before working on something again.

I am currently feeling extremely incompetent about what i am tasked to do. Tomorrow, young inexperienced peirong is going to lead a team of directors on a HR review meeting.. We will go through different HR aspects and make recommendations, this includes guiding the process of doing people's salary. beahhhh i m scared to mess up and subsequently mess up people's lives... Haha, STRESSed. Well, of course with me everything is delayed. I spent today happily replying emails and just wading time away doing normal work and at about 4pm, I decided to review some stuff i have to be an expert on. I have no idea!!! :( Hmmm, anyway, I am hoping it is just a phase, will be fine in a bit...

Seriously, today I spoke to the HR girl who is in PNG. We both worked really hard and worked close together. She was telling me about people who are leaving the organization. There is a change in "guard", the old has left and the new has entered. I can't help but take this personally. I worked so hard to try to bridge this gap. All these people became friends and I truly believed that they just needed to be brought around. Hah, i hate to think that they are "useless" to have. I don't know. I have been priviledged to privy information of the leadership and I think that I need to always make sense of it. dear God, please explain to me this priviledge... :(

Coupled with that, I must confess I feel a little lonely. I remember a time when I really wanted to do my own thing. But after more than a year of doing my own thing - working like mad, seeing places and doing things, I actually miss stability! HAH, never thought i would say that. Anyway, I think that it will need to continue to be turning my eyes on Jesus and to remember that he was the reason why I started this in the first place...

Down I suppose. One thing I have learnt that calms me down.. reading the bible and copying sections that have spoke to me. The focus needed to write down the verse forces me to think of it instead of spacing out. It has been the way I fall asleep in my 4 green walled room... (there is a painting of a lao woman right in front of my bed who is in bathing gear, she looks very sweet, but i cant help think this is for 'men' who stay in this room..:) )

Ninja turtle speaking thai is showing,CNN broadcasting that fidel castro resigns, Gigi Leung is arriving in Laos, Peirong is going for dinner now. A very strange world.. Everyone doing their own thing.

I hope everybody at home is doing fine.. Hugs and Kisses!

Thursday, February 14, 2008

happy v day

A very strange valentine’s day. I am sitting at a coffee place with my good American friend in the middle of Vientiane trying to churn out statistical data for meeting next week.. all these listening to my French music from Paris. Welcome to Globalisation.

...adding to this. One of my ex-colleagues who is slightly older than me, think less than 10 yrs(?) just died... Quite shocking because she was healthy, funny, smart and accomplished for her young age. Took a break from world vision because she decided she needed one. I still have her story book with me... :( Quite shocking and sad. I cannot understand death of young healthy people very well... Reminds me of friend who died during the MI 185 crash... I tell people i wanna live hard because i want to have stories to tell my grand kids, or, that i think life is short and when God calls, I will not say please wait, i stil want to do this and that... Hmmm, I dunno. thanks to watching scrubs, and lately Gray's anatomy, the concept of death is never too far off... (A bit morbid I know, but a little state of where I am) Is doing what I am doing now somehting that I want to tell God about when I die? Or is this something that is filling up my time just because.

To live is Christ, to die is gain. When we are alive, we need to live.. not exist. When we die, we need to celebrate, not question.

May God be with my friend's family during this traumatic time. thoughts, prayers go out to you.

Happy V day still.

Sunday, February 03, 2008

I confessed...

Haha, I finally told the most important man about my frog. It is a bit weird. I expected more response but I think all the informal hints worked. He is a bit calmed about it... Seemingly. Well, I am not going anywhere for the time being...n i have all the time to think(overthink) it. So it is fine I suppose.. But i m happy to have told him, feel less like a naughty girl. haha.

I went to corps today. I miss fellowship. People who know me for more than being a cool (so totally not la), tall, strange woman. Going to corp is always a mix feeling for me. Familiar yet different, Homely yet strangely foreign. Oh well, choices and the consequences of choices made.

I must work now but I am seriously tired.Drained from last week and jitters abt new week ahead.the incredible challenges, workload, emotional upheaval. must be hormonal changes-i been at the verge of crying for most of today for assorted reasons. I need to calm down. Practice what I preach - God is in control.

All to Jesus I surrender,
all to him I freely give.
I will ever love and trust him,
In his side forever be...

Hugs. Its a better day, the sun will shine, the clouds will stay and this too shall pass.