Wednesday, May 27, 2009

boo!

Sunday, May 17, 2009

The flower at work


... Took a foto of the flower my friend gave with my handy new pink baby. I like it for its portability. But still struggling with the lack of modes and all the cool stuff that my previous camera had. This is indeed a point and shoot... but i guess a good one at it. this is my favorite photo thus far! ......


Do NOT Complain

Hehe. Yes. Do Not Complain. Lately, we have had 3 consecutive sermons on Complaining. This time, we looked into Numbers chapter 13. The report after the spys went to the promised land to look at their land....
Instead of focusing on the milk and honey, the majority of the spies chose to look at the giants, and focus on the difficult and the negative...They even not want to go there anymore...

Yes, God puts giants in the promised land. We need to conquer these giants, they will not magically disappear. We need to remember his past faithfulness as we take the step of faith toward the promised land....complaining will not only inflate the problem, but might result in us losing our God given destiny even...

Sigh. yes. I am reminded about my applications. This uncertainty and what ifs. I just clicked sent to my last application. All i can do now is to pray for something of His will to come through. I dont feel bad. but i think i have felt too much. i don't feel anything as well. Don't know if I will make it... or if I wont. I need to remember that it is fine. To not fret.. because it only leads to evil.

On another note, I went for my uncle and aunt's 30 year wedding anniversary. I must say it is a feat if you still like each other. It was somewhat emotional I thought. they are probably contenders for the best auntie/uncle award for me. I remember my grandmother and this auntie for loving me while growing up. So I like her but my chinese is a bit bleah. so communication is tough. hehe. anyway. A model of a xin fu couple after 30 years...


Friday, May 15, 2009

God is real...

So, a few days ago. I suffered from acute panic for all sorts of reasons. I was bout to cry at work and like walk out and not do this anymore. haha. yes, quite nonsense but I was feeling at the peak of frustrations....

Out of nowhere, almost random friend sent me a u tube song about life being in God's hands or something.. So i do what I do as usual at work, continue u tube various songs. choosing the next one that makes me happy...after a while. I came across a rendition of Turn your eyes upon Jesus... and that calmed the heart...

After a few hours, a friend came with a rose :) Hehe. yes flowers and peirong go very well. So had a rose beside me while i work. must say the rose smelt very nice. hehe, thanks babe...

Today, our neighbouring office sang, "turn your eyes upon Jesus" and I remembered. Rememebered that he cares. he cares enough to drop nuggets of encouragements. to tell me that he is still present.. that he is still real during this wave of uncertainties..

ps: I am also very grateful to msn and the accessibility it gives me to people ard :) People whom I love heaps and love me too. there for me to whine and get me through days at work.

Thank you :))

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Chapel of Love...

My friends are getting married. haha. not ALL. but some. :) Quite exciting. hehe. this is definitely a new chapter in life, or perhaps a new volume... haha.

I have been asking my father if i will ever marry. He says yes if i am not choosy. hmmmm. Today, in the car with mommy, told her that in the dating scene nowadays, girls will pay at times. there is no clear role where the boy must pay for the girl. Hmm, she thinks thats why boys dont respect girls. lol. I thought the reason why a girl wants to pay is to show she doesn't need the boy to pay?


yay to engagement. yay to saying yes to moving on. :)
Congrats.


Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Third Day - Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus

I lift up my eyes to the hills... where does my help come from... my help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth...

Friday, May 08, 2009

lets talk about..... sex

haha. well not sex but perhaps sex education. yes. i am 26 years old and don't have kids so my views and thoughts are not going to mirror kan cheong parents... but anyway.... here goes better than nothing.


I remember when i was 8-9, I came across the word masturbation (don't remember why) and I asked my helper then what it meant. She gave me the look and asked me to ask my dad.... Over dinner that night, i innocently asked my dad what that meant and I do believe he almost choked and told me never to talk about this because it is a bad subject... and that i was too small so I won't understand. haha. yes, this goes most of the "sex education" when we were younger. silence. this is something you wont do and it doesnt concern my baby daughter.


When I started going out with dodedo,fling,wantan (they r the same person btw), i think my dad was extremely extremely stressed. I had a no stay over rule and nothing else was discussed. I remember an instance when I was going to travel to Australia with mom the next day and stayed out for most of the night cos I would miss my darling... (a stay over technically means sleeping over. Since I was at my swimming pool downstairs, I didnt think i was breaking the rule) When I went home, my parents looked like they didnt sleep too and were fighting. Upon further probing, I realised that they were super upset cos I was not home yet... I think my dad was worried some horrible unmentionable thing would happen to his little girl and she would be eaten up by wolves. Yes, that is the term my dad has for most men, wolves... haha, and how i need to be wary of them. :)

(I HAD A SUPER LONG POST.. but it got deleted from here on ... :( )

So what is my point? my point is that sex is too important to be left to chance. Having read different posts on Aware's manual, i honestly dont get the gripe. Yes, they bring to surface all sorts of taboo but which is better? To be hush hush and pretend they dont exist? Or to bring it to surface as delicately as possible. And if it is brought up, shouldn't it be done to include all different groups of people instead of judging when people who need to hear this most are perhaps the ones that the public is reacting against?

Like it or not, ideas about sex is value laden in all sorts of ways. (In Africa, the pope has just spoken up against the use of condoms but looking at a possible exception for married couples where 1 partner has aids)... So my point is that there is a place for Aware, but also a place for groups/family units to inculcate values. If children has been brought up to be able to know what they believe in, why is there fear that we r polluting impressionable minds? Like it or not, we are a society that has progressed and with progression comes all sorts of influences. I remember watching tv with my grandmother and whenever a bust enhancement ad comes along, she would be upset and tell me how women would never do that in the past. Being "big" is not a sign of beauty that would be flaunted. This is shameful and unacceptable..

We need to accept the fact that the government is no longer able to be as clear in their confucious traditional role where the government is authority on what's right or wrong. There are other influences as trade and progress takes place Maybe thats why God was very clear who the Israelites should be in contact with. But this is our reality, we are a small tiny red dot that has chosen that for economic viability, trade is what we will be up to!

This leaves the family or values- based groups to infuse these values and principles. We need to empower young minds (like mine.hehe) to make their own decisions. We need to provide principles and values to work from. We no longer live in kampongs with close tight knit community where people would not do something out of fear of shame (not sure if that is the best way but that works)

I am especially grateful to people in my life who have believed in me. Who have told me their reasons for actions instead of inposing their values on me.Yes. I deeply believe there is a standard. but this must be God's standard not man made. Man will always change, but God's word remain. There is a verse that says do not add/subtract what God says... so what does God say about sex? and more importantly, what does God say is the commandment we need to live by?

I believe in my heart, it is important that my actions show that I love God above all, that I love self and I love others as I love myself. Question then would be what does it means to love? This would be informed by what I learn.What the bible says? I believe that this is where parents, the church can influence. To leave it to chance, to MOE, that would be unwise..

Welcome to the modern world, or the post modern world for that matter... :)

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

What are fingers for....

I once told someone.. yes, that it is for holding hands. haha. quite nonsense i know. but holding hands. the act of the will. to reach out and to accept another. to be in a fit that is quite exclusive but yet open enough for others to see. to face the world with somebody else. to journey life with a partner at side.
Simple and beautiful.

Sunday, May 03, 2009

bye 25, hello 26.

Yes. One year older. not sure wiser. feels a little weird to be in my mid-late twenties. haha. a part of me feels the part already and glad that age is finally catching up (feeling of validation, yes I know, premature aging), another part of me feels a bit in disbelief that I am a full fledged adult. doesnt help that I just received my tax statement.. (a little annoying how the letter ends with thank you for your help in nation building.. hmmmmm.....) so yes, 26.

Thankful for people that helped with the transition. For the drinks, company n presents(thank you for the Camera!! hehe nice pretty hot pink camera!.. :) Been a very busy weekend. we went to Dempsey on Friday night for drinks, Asian Civilisation Museum, Hooters, Tapas, Prawning on Saturday and today, I went to collect my free gift from Canon. Was going to go for dinner with hntb, but didnt happen.. so oh well... here I am with my good ol. blog.

For a large part, 25 felt very much like a year of waiting and tying up loose ends. i graduated, finished my work in Laos, trying frantically to spend time with family and friends after long time away, went to the UK for a summer school experience...

There was a time when I wanted to do all that I wanted to do because I was afraid time was running short. that i might not have led a fulfilled life. this year. I realised that I have a life ahead of me and no, i should not rush through life but pace myself. haha. maybe that's why adults tend to be slower with life. There are no definite time frames for the most part and things can possibly fall into a routine with a highlight here and there....

perhaps because of my intentions. I feel obliged to spend more time with family, friends and people I dearly love. working on relationships is fun. rewarding. but also work. takes time, love and effort. How much easier is it to hide and ignore the world... but that is not what we are called too.so something i need to learn. to continue to spend time with people I love...

Yes, i think this was a good year overall. no super big events but a string of events sufficient to show that time moves... the next year promises to be a year of events, of decisions and of action. Perhaps thats why God has given me a relatively restful year.

The past 2 weeks at Church we have been learning about Complaining. Numbers 11-12. (we are going through the whole book of numbers in church) One of the points last week was about the deep knowledge of God's control in our life, we will be content and not complain, this week was about the attitute of grace and mercy. To know that because we have been shown grace and mercy, we can do the same as well. So hard. to know what it means to extend grace instead of tolerating everything. tough to figure out what the right thing to do some times.....

This year, I want to continue to remember that I belong to God. not only does he love me, but I am His, and so, i have a rock, a strong tower... in a sea of change.... it is so easy to feel swept out of control and lose bearing of life.

this year, I want to grow in grace instead of pettiness. I want to learn to smile and be truly fine when someone might have what i want (hehe), when i am slighted or when i do not feel considered....

this year, I want to be truly fine for my lot in life. To remember that it is well in my soul.. in light of eternity, my difficulties, joys,challenges or pain, this too shalt pass....

Godliness with contentment is great gain. Be thou my vision...

Last photo of being 25 :)

Friday, May 01, 2009

Windmills,canals, frites.. all things Dutch :)





Pretty :) being distracted from what is due today!!!