Tuesday, June 23, 2009

and Jesus wept.

Knowing that He can perhaps change the way the story turn out, knowing that His father is in control, knowing that this is a day in His many days of ministry doesn't obliterate the sadness, the sense of grief; the emotions.

But knowing that God is in control, that this is a day in many days, a page in many pages, that there is a God that knows the beginning from the end, does set comfort to my pained heart.

please take from me my Lord, when I don't have the strength to give it away to you.

sad. :(

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

What I am thankful for...

a) Strengthening current relationships and learning to love my relatives more.

b) Having more time to chill in my purple room. A little space all to myself

c) Parents. For the willingness to bring me to the nearest station, or the nearest point enroute to where they are off to.

d) For a job that I like that gives me the flexibility to be me.

e) For a ever metamorphosizing darling that tries to learn to deal better with me each time.

f) For friends from around the globe that remind me to not be too self absorbed. To remember the important things in life.

g) For church I attend - the current constant in my life. For the book of Numbers, where I feel like a wayward Israelite...

h) For God. Who is God. Who knows who I am deep inside but still accepts and loves.

Practising what I am learning.

thoughts bout commitment, bout knowing how God works...

excerpts from here

Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed (Proverbs 16:3).

To commit means to put in charge or entrust. I find it easy to include the Lord in my everyday life, but more difficult to completely hand it over to him and not worry. Unless your plans are committed to and aligned with the Lord, they will not succeed to the extent they could with the Lord’s blessing.

Have you committed whatever you do to the Lord? Have you sought after the Lord’s direction and purpose for your life? Have you heard his voice and accepted His ways?
The frequent attacks by the world telling us we need to take control of our lives and live by the world’s agenda are only the plans of the enemy to make us feel dissatisfied. Commit whatever and everything you do to the Lord and he will satisfy your needs.
Sometimes we forget the Lord’s purpose will always prevail despite our best plans and ourselves.

If we spend each day with a heart of gratefulness, acknowledging the little, often unnoticed, blessings in our life, we will start to appreciate the goodness of the Lord and begin focusing on what we have rather than what we don’t.

God promises he will give us the desires of our hearts; however He asks us to delight ourselves in him. It is through consistent gratefulness for all things that we will grow to see how God is working.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

And I thank you Lord...

Trials. Don't like them. they try you and squeeze you and when you are not suspecting, try to get you into trouble. Pout. I need my water bazooka to zap them all away....

hehe. I think the week started out quite well. I reached a certain equilibrium regarding my lot in life. Friend asked how i was doing and i said fine, that i am zen bout it.. haha. but talking about it manged to throw me out of balance. Made me think of what ifs, of what happens if not. The insecurities. Gah.. and to think that I was deluded to think that I was fine about it...

But this is what it is. A journey. not a destination. It's tough. Tough to think climb and climb and climb even when it seems pointless perhaps, tough to feel alone and in a rut and unable to act. powerless. Today at devos, we talked about hope, and how this is based on the knowledge of a perfect plan in God, instead of it being based on disney fairy tales.

I tell people I love that we will keep learning the same lesson until we finally learn it. I feel like I am having a take -10 on this lesson of knowing that God will come through for me.

So, I shall remember. I shall remember that this is all part of character molding. All going to be good in the long run. The state of being teary eye, the occasional feeling of being displaced, the frustration of not having a plan... God has a plan....

I am not alone in this journey. His rod and staff they comfort me....