Thursday, May 27, 2010

bein christian

I visited the Vatican a few weeks ago, saw the Pieta carved by Michaengelo, something I have been wanting to do. There is something about how that speaks to the soul, reminds me of the extent of his suffering, and what he did for me. The wonder of His love. There is a flip side to that as well. Walking around Rome and within the Vatican city, there were so many statues monuments funded by the pope (look for the crown and the keys) There were many of such. Granted that there has been many popes, the excessive statues, paintings, works,… I can understand how that leads to the reformation.

Over dinner in a pizzeria, we were discussing European history as well as Church History. I find it difficult that church history was strongly intertwined with politics, and how power was sometimes the reason to do things….

I am currently in Bangladesh. One of the things I am doing, interviewing for a senior position.

Interview “How do u maintain spirituality in your leadership and day to day life”
Candidate “It all starts with Sunday School, I remember the lessons, also I pray, do family prayer and serve in Church”

I almost cannot hear answers like these anymore. When in the developing field like Bangladesh where more than 90% are Muslims, this gives the 10% Christian a sense of entitlement that they should get jobs from Christian agencies. Working in YMCA, Christian Development Aid, etc and because of that, they want to work for world vision becos of our Christian identity.

When asked about their professional experience, they say that they are happy to learn. No mention about their past experiences/qualifications etc. Coupled to my angst with this is that people who say that they like working in a Christian organization, believes in God etc, are the same people who do really mean, evil things, and yet on the surface act completely angelic.

My mother said once that working in a church/Christian context gives u a faith crisis, ie one needs to have a strong faith. It is very easy to get disappointed with people and not see the hand of God involved. I am currently struggling with being proud of my faith. Not becos I am ashamed of my God, but more becos of the “evil” it has seem to have done.

My sovereign God. I think He has way more faith in mankind that I do have for mankind. Worried bout my future, my boss still thinks I am ruining my life… I know that the only way things r going to happen is through his plan… teach me Lord to trust n obey…

Saturday, May 22, 2010

some days when I want to hide

I need to pack. Need to leave the country in bout 6 hrs but I have not packed! I am exhausted and I just want to hide away from the world. The equivalent of the security blanket/sucking my thumb would be to close my room door, have some time of my own, hug my hippo and sleep. Not care about emotions of anybody and just sleep. I wished I was a bit more like my packing friend who packs when she is stress. I just pretend it doesnt exist... bleah.

I spent an enjoyable time with the girls at crystal jade. Reminded of the need for some constancy. Enjoyed friends that stay during seasons of life. Today somebody was talking bout how she feels that some of her friends r only for that season and then, it will be somebody else. While I agree to a certain point, I like the concept of being here for you all the time, the type of love that never leaves nor forsakes. A constancy.

Spent the last week in 4 different beds. Ironic but I will be spending the most time on a bed in Bangladesh. Hmmm... :) Regarding beds, my mother just bought new beds for all! ... Now to make some time to sleep on it.

I am ever so thankful for God being the consistency in my life of change...

Bye Singapore, off to Dhaka for a weeek!

Friday, May 21, 2010

note to self

pretending the work doesnt exist doesnt make it go away

sigh... doing payback time now :(

Thursday, May 20, 2010

thank u lord.

I need to learn to be thankful. To remember that my big God is watching my ways, that he has got my back. Back from Europe. Many different thoughts. Easy to lose sight of the big picture in light of many distractions.

Putting an email i received to remind me to be thankful.

Dear Mrs. Pei Rong,

I just received your documents from the Chairmann of the Doctoral Committee. You are accepted as a doctoral student.

To make everything ready I need to now which is you forename und which is your surname.

Thank you for your replay.

Best wishes

Saturday, May 08, 2010

good night world

there are days when the only little act of rebellion that can be done is in not sleeping at the right time. yes i will surely regret it tmr.

1. I had a nice birthday. thank u to all who wished me

2. I passed my exam. i completely freaked out but said a prayer while enroute. its nice to feel passionate bout the subject discussed " can u somehow try to link Niebuhr's theology to Paul???"

3. Thinking about the future. I need to continue to remember that my big big God holds my future. I am a little scared. of everything really. haha. yes thats me when i am not trying. To be brave and bold

4. I really dont want to start work!!! :)

5. Good night world. I know God loves!