Wednesday, July 04, 2012

home.

It's difficult to transition worlds. From being alone in Brussels, to intense "motherhood/playtime" in Germany to "daughter/friend" in Singapore.  each time i need to transition worlds, especially when across continent, it is difficult.... and I am currently feeling little emo about going back. Happy to see the husband, sad to leave the family.

My mother just reminded me a few days ago tat it has been 3 months since I made this change "permanent". Time feels weird, at times something feels very long, and at other times, it feels very short. Somehow, one way or other, I need to work out a coping mechanism with the season of life I am in instead of being in tears all the time.

Some thoughts.

- Meditate on good thoughts. Amazing how fast the "toilet" thoughts appear. From thinking that if Tom Cruise separates, so can I, to thinking about what happens if something happens to my family and I am not around.. to missing my friends and thinking that maybe we won't be friends anymore one day... yeah, toilet thoughts. Somehow, I will need to be able to submit them to God, and to reframe these thoughts positively. To meditate on what is Holy, Pure, Noble and good. It is definitely not natural to do this, need to train my mind to focus on what is helpful... so help me God.

- Recenter my life. With the changes and decisions that i have made, I have basically moved away from my comfort zone and dived into potentially the most difficult ocean since. I need to put God in the center and have this sovereignty of God trump fear. Living in fear has not been helpful and I will need to intentionally remind myself that I do not need to be scared.I need to have faith that moves mountains, and to know it deep in my heart that my God is good. If He is for me, who or what can be against me?

- Carpe Diem. What I am experiencing is just a season of life. And God has made everything beautiful in His time. Since everything is transient, all I can do is to fully treasure the season I am in (instead of wishing something else), to be thankful to God for what I have today (instead of asking why) and to remember that contentment with godliness is great gain.

It's always the simple things that get forgotten first.

"Be bold and courageous, do not be afraid, becos I the Lord am with you. "