Saturday, December 22, 2012

thoughts on a sacred covenant...

What I’ve come to learn is that staying married is an even greater act of faith than getting married in the first place.  We celebrate marriage, as we should.  But anniversaries — the extraordinary accomplishment of remaining married and continuing to fulfill our vows to one another — is even more worthy of admiration.  There’s a sense in which getting married requires us to have faith in each other.  Staying married requires us to have faith in God, faith that God is capable of healing the deepest wounds, faith that God can overcome the problems that seem impossible.
Getting married is light and joy, the celebration of something new.  Staying married is courage and commitment, faith and an ironclad commitment to remain with one another through thick and thin.  So we marry because love binds us and makes us.  We are created in God’s image — and God is love.  Therefore we are made in the image of Love.  But in the knowledge that we will always be faithful to one another, then we have the safety to be ourselves.  When love is conditional, then we behave in the ways we do in order to achieve or retain that love.  But when love is unconditional, then we are safe.  Then we have a haven.  Then we have someone before whom we can be honest — brutally, completely, painfully honest.  Without that honesty we may never be truly and fully loved, because the person who is being loved is not who we are but the person we pretend to be.  We stay married so that we can be free and so that we can be known.
(excerpts from following link:
Its Christmas! Yay. Thank you Jesus for being you! 

Friday, December 07, 2012

count your blessings name them one by one.

Some highlights of the past few days!

1) Had a meaningful time at the squatter yesterday. We brought Christmas cheer, food and just hung out with people who live in squatters here. I am very happy to be part of this group that goes regularly to spend time with the children, doing puzzles, coloring and just spending time together. It is a privilege to be part of their life and to share in simple moments.

2) Enjoyed moments volunteering in a theological library. I thought of volunteering there for some structure and it is a good way to get to read books about God. It feels nice and cosy to be in the company of God's people. people are nice. I am not used to it anymore. Thank you God.

3) Being a wife. Sue says it is a calling... I think it is harder than real work!!! Some days it is tough tough tough. Other days, it is the epitome of grace, forgiveness and redemption... overall a roller coaster. I have been thinking about how charity begins at home, and how I need to do much better at loving the husband.. (even when i am not in the mood too :P )

4) While being a wife, I also think it is important to have "my own life" and not expect the husband to be my life. Common sense but so hard when I am largely dependent on him. I think that our time away is useful for our sanity, my especially. Oh, I drove to Ikea, more than 15km in crazy Belgium traffic. Ridiculous how scared I was, but I made it. Need to stop being scared... to do more things alone instead of expecting him to fight my battles.

5) All that being said, I need your prayers please. Still crying way too much. Not very healthy. Few nights ago I sobbed (like crazy ugly cry) because he asked me to clear the sofa. I felt completely rejected as a human and unloved. Yes, I agree its an over reaction on my part. I need to stop crying and start being happy! To remember that life is a gift, and one day I have to give God an account of my life, I don't think he will be pleased to hear I spent all my time crying!!!

It's Christmas!!! Time to stop crying and to start resting in God....

Why, my soul, are you downcast?
    Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
    for I will yet praise him,
    my Savior and my God.